Thers a debate going on in the middle east about whether or not The Flintstones should be shown on TV. The people of dubai dont understand the humour but the people in abi dabi doo.
A woman walks into the Newcastle benefits office, trailed by 15 kids... 'OH WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours? 'Aye they're alll mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit doon Geordie.' All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.' 'This one's me eldest - he's Geordie.' 'OK, and who's next?' 'Well, this one, he's Geordie anall.' The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Geordie.. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Geordie?' Their Mother replied, 'Wey aye - it meks it easior. When it's time to get them oot of bed and ready for scheul, A yell, 'Geordie!' An' when it's time for dinner, A just yell 'Geordie!' an' they aall come runnin'. An' if A need to stop the kid who's runnin oot into the street, I just yell 'Geordie' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea Av ivvor had, namin' them all Geordie.' The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?' 'Whey that's easy pet....... A call them by their sornames!'
Geordie couple are walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out. Husband says for f*cks sake stop crying, your still my sister.
Did you hear about the Bus load of lepers that fell over a cliff. Police are investigating the matter. Lol Bart
Did you hear about the bus load of cripples that fell over the same cliff. Police are looking for a bus amongst the wreckage. Lol Bart
A Geordie is in London for the day and really fancie's a pint of NewCastle Brown Ale. It isn't long before he comes across a pub. Once inside he walks up to the barman and asks for his favorite drink, a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale. "I'm sorry" say's the barman "We don't sell Newcastle Brown Ale here" The Geordie is gutted, but as he is thirsty he decides to have anything that the barman can offer. "Will a pint of Whitbred do sir?" the barman enquired handing him the drink. "That'll do" the Geordie answers and takes a good long gulp, "Wy-ay thats not bad" he said in apreciation, "Im ganna need a piss now. Can ya look after me pint while I'm in there?" "Certainly Sir" answered the barman "But I don't want anybody touching my pint, there will be hell to pay if they do" and off he goes to the toilet to relieve himself. While he's in there a big black woman walks up to the geordie's pint, takes a sip from it and then farts in it. The barman see's this but is to late. He panics, remembering the Geordie's threat and 2 seconds later in comes the geordie back from the toilet. He's about to pick up his pint when he notices a fresh lipstick mark on the glass,"whats be goin on ere then man? Some one's ad me pint". Sweating, and pointing at the black woman over in the corner, the barman tells the story of how she farted in his pint. "Reet then" say's the geordie rolling up his sleeves, and marches over to where the big black woman is sat, "'scuse me luv, you fart in ma Whitbred" to which the woman replies, "No I'm Tessa Sanderson."
Geordie took his blind date to the hoppings. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Geordie. "I want to get weighed," she said. They walked over to the weight guesser, and he guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale. It read 117, so she won a prize. The couple then went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Geordie again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Since they had been there before, the weight guesser guessed her correct weight, and Geordie lost his quid. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. Geordie decided Kim was weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
I was lying on the bed watchin our lass she was lookin in the mirror rubbing her tits together. I said what ya doing she said i wish i could make these bigger. I said get some toilet paper and rub it between your tits. She said wil that work. I said it worked wonders on your arse
WTF did I start here, ok, some very good ones & a lot of ****e, (like i got last night), but youve all had a go and Dorset, I sorry about your lasses knickers, mmmm, got a good washing machine here if yours just happens to be broke? No, only joking, a,hem. Wondered how long it would take for the Geordie ones to arrive. Well as you know I was deep in the ****ing cacka with my lass last night & shes a Geordie but WTF. Donna & Darren, (no, not Bent), are sitting in his car in the Northumberland hills. Getting all heavy & jiggy they are well into the necking. She has her hands down his pants & his are down her knickers. "Oh Darren, kiss me where it smells babe", says Donna. So, he starts the car & drives her to Benwell. I know, it's only a joke. BTW, Jane still doesn't know I put a picture of her arse on here. So, just to put it to bed, how about no more but a vote from all of you who contributed for the best one? Can't vote for your own obviously.
Gluey Armstrong gets my vote for worst joke. Sorry LOL Bart! Jerseys gay joke gets my best joke award. (Was he just trying to put us off the scent though?)
Newcastle Utd have announced 3 new major sponsors for next season, an oil company, a fashion outlet & an international delivery company, their shirts will read TOTAL, FCUK, UPS
A small zoo in Newcastle acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Jimmy, a local lad & part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Jimmy, like many Geordie folk, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Jimmy was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500. He showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions: "First", Jimmy said, "Ah'm no gannae kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition. "Second", he said, "Ye cannae never tell naebody aboot this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition. "Third", Jimmy said, "I want all the bairns raised as Newcastle fans." Once again it was agreed "And last of all", Jimmy stated, "You got tae give me another week to come up with the £500"
