Football jokes

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Reminds me of a story from a Scottish music festival. Bono had the crowd silent as he slowly clapped his hands, and said 'every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies', to which one wag shouted out over the crowd 'then stop fcuking clapping them then !!!!

Again wrong, but funny! Probably got the charity more publicity because of it.
 
New manager of Chelsea is Abu Quatada as Abramavich wanted someone who knew about staying in Europe.
 
Sad day. I was out drinking with a life long Leeds fan last night. Hates that lot from across the Pennines. So imagine my surprise when he turns up all in red & singing the Cantona chorus & other songs made infamous by the Stretford end.

What's up with you, I said?
I'm not well says he.
I can see that, says I.
No, says he, I'm not long for this world says he.
Oh says I. But why all in red & singing inappropriate songs?
Better one of them go than one of us!!!!!
 
Child tells a social worker: "I don't want to live with my mum and dad any more, since they beat me".

Social worker asks the child who he does want to live with: "The Bradford City team, since they don't beat anyone".
_________________________________________________________________________________________

A man is found drowned in the Thames wearing a Chelsea shirt, women's underwear, fishnet stockings and a sex toy rammed up his rear end. Police removed his Chelsea shirt to save his family any embarrassment.

(C) Live at the Apollo!
 
Child tells a social worker: "I don't want to live with my mum and dad any more, since they beat me".

Social worker asks the child who he does want to live with: "The Bradford City team, since they don't beat anyone".

That joke still holds true as Arsenal don't count as anyone anymore. Odds on Wenger leaving or being sacked before the end of the transfer window?
 
TC (Lovely Geezer) said:
To be honest, Chris Wood should let ambition rule his heart instead of stupid wages <ok>


Stay with us with a realistic chance of promotion this season, join Huddersfield and expect a relegation scrap, or join a poorly managed Leicester side that are almost guaranteed mid-table obscurity <ok>
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Very good joke here!
 
A Manchester United fan was caught throwing coins at Sunderland players yesterday. His Wife was furious because it broke their new 46" TV :)
 
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