Do you have a problem?

[Bob Sherunkle]

Dear Bob,

I trust this is a confidential service because I don't want my fellow Sunderland fans to find out about my problem, they may laugh.

During a short and ill advised break in Wales I allowed myself to be dragged into a local custom of sheep fornication, rather a pleasant experience if I'm honest, however the side effects are horrendous.

I find I have a urge to fondle anyone wearing a wool sweater, synthetic is fine but pure wool just turns me on. Yesterday I was barred from the local Edinburgh Woollen Mill store after attacking a dummy in the window wearing a woollen skirt and I avoid one man and his dog at all costs.

Please help me.

My dear Syd,

The only cure for this is a drastic one I fear.
If you move to Hartlepool try the monkeys there. The monkeys like it rough. Once you have slapped a monkey a few times, the sheep wont be a problem.
Just one word of advice though young man. Don't get to attached to any particular monkey, as I believe the locals tend to put ropes around their necks.


Yours apathetically

Bob

 

[Bob Sherunkle]

Can I have a P please Bob?

Certainly mr White. I would suggest though, that you get out of the bath first. It makes people think you are posh.

Yours urinatingly

Bob

 

[Sidthemackem]

Dear Bob

A friend of mine has a tiny knob. What would you advise me, erm, HIM to do about it?

 

[...And Out Come the Wolve]

What about my Magikarp dammit!

 

[trouble_n_stripes]

I've been eating Beans today, now I have a bad case of 'wind' to put it politely, what should one do.

That one's over to you Bob.

 

[Billy Death]

Dear Mr Bob Spunkuncle,

My brother's in borstal,
My sister has pox,
My mother's a whore on Sunderland docks,
My uncle's a pervert, mt auntie's gone mad,
And Jack the Ripper's my dad.

I'm not violent, I just have major issues with peacefulness.
I don't sleep very well & am on 13 different prescribed drugs.

Any idea's?

 

[Vincemac]

well bob if you cant acknowledge me piss off

 

[trouble_n_stripes]

well bob if you cant acknowledge me piss off

Think your's is a tough one for Bob to answer VM.

 

[Vincemac]

Think your's is a tough one for Bob to answer VM.

i ive got him stumpt

 

[trouble_n_stripes]

Think Bob may have gone to his nearest STD clinic for help.

 

[Steven Royston O'Neill]

Dear Bob

A friend of mine has a tiny knob. What would you advise me, erm, HIM to do about it?

I keep getting emails about stuff to enlarge a penis, would you like me to forward them

 

[Steven Royston O'Neill]

Dear Mr Bob Spunkuncle,

My brother's in borstal,
My sister has pox,
My mother's a whore on Sunderland docks,
My uncle's a pervert, mt auntie's gone mad,
And Jack the Ripper's my dad.

I'm not violent, I just have major issues with peacefulness.
I don't sleep very well & am on 13 different prescribed drugs.

Any idea's?

what nights does ya mother work Billy?

 

[...And Out Come the Wolve]

I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.

Am I really meant enter the Pokemon League and take on the Elite Four with a Magikarp?

 

[Bob Sherunkle]

Dear Bob

A friend of mine has a tiny knob. What would you advise me, erm, HIM to do about it?

Dear Sid,

I would advise you, ermmm, I mean your friend, to get a smaller door. It won't show so much then.

Yours knobbingly

Bob

 

[Bob Sherunkle]

hi bob

I apologise most proffusely vincemac. I missed your post completely

 

[Bob Sherunkle]

Dear Mr Bob Spunkuncle,

My brother's in borstal,
My sister has pox,
My mother's a whore on Sunderland docks,
My uncle's a pervert, mt auntie's gone mad,
And Jack the Ripper's my dad.

I'm not violent, I just have major issues with peacefulness.
I don't sleep very well & am on 13 different prescribed drugs.

Any idea's?

Dear Billy.

Just stop boasting. Simples

 

[...And Out Come the Wolve]

I apologise most proffusely vincemac. I missed your post completely

Ahem.

 

[Bob Sherunkle]

I've been eating Beans today, now I have a bad case of 'wind' to put it politely, what should one do.

That one's over to you Bob.

I'm afraid I will have to pass you over to two other people who may be able to help you. Alan Shearer and Mark Lawrenson. These two have after all been talking out of their arses for years.


Yours trumpingly

Bob

 

[Steven Royston O'Neill]

Dear Bob, I have had 10 pm's in the last few days from a young 18 year old boy, I feel like I am being stalked, should I encourage his advances so as not to rile him in the hope he will grow out of it, ignore him at the risk of upsetting him or tell him I'm not that way inclined.

 

[Dyavvy]

Your starter for ten Bob.

It's the quiz of the week!

your starter for "ten bob"....its the way ye tell `em ......haha!