Off Topic Heres a joke for you all

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kiwiqpr

Barnsie Mod
May 11, 2011
119,221
222,214
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new zealand
A little boy, Johnny, blows up his balloon and starts
flicking it all around the house with his
finger. His mother tells him to stop it as
he's liable to break something. The boy
continues.

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off.
You're going to break something".

He stops and eventually Mom leaves for
a short trip to the shopping center.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again.
He gives it one last flick and it lands in the
toilet where he leaves it. Mom comes in
and while putting away the grocery gets
the urge. A diarrhoea run. She can hardly
make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH,
out it comes.

When she's finished, she looks down and
can't believe what she's seeing. She's not
sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet !
She calls her doctor.

The doctor is baffled as she describes the
situation, but he assures her he'll be over
shortly to examine everything.

When he arrives she leads him to the bath
room and he gets down on his knees and
takes a long, hard look at the thing.
Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of
touches it to see what it might be and POP!
The balloon explodes and **** is everywhere.
On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over
30 years, and this is the first time I've ever
actually seen a fart !"
 
Asked the girlfriend last night for Oral Relief.

"Do you want to me to suck you off" she asked

" No please just shut the **** up".


A Catholic Priest has hailed one of his Alter Boys for saving his life...

The 12 year old apparently found a lump on his testicles
 
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After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life,
an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin .
In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring
back at him. 'How 'bout that!' he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of me Fadder.'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on
the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in
the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishin', he would go there
and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed.
So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found
the mirror

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch
he's runnin' around with.'
 
I've applied for the vacant England manager's position. I won't get it, but had to show willing or they'd cut my benefits.

My mate Dave has had worse luck, though. He applied for the vacant Wolves manager's position for the same reason, but now he's been called to attend an interview.
 
New research suggests that men who are too nice on Valentine's day and buy their women too many gifts, makes the women suspect that they are cheating. So your instincts were right, you can't win
 
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