Give us your best goon jokes.

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smnwllms

smnwllms

Member
Nov 23, 2011
40
0
6
Near Chelmsford
This isn't an attempt to wum (it's on our board only) If you get upset, you're obviously a goon on the wrong board.

I'll start

'Wow! Exactly how I left it'

Thiery Henry on seeing the Arsenal trophy cabinet.


please continue.
 
It's one I posted on another thread, but I'll include it here, to gather them all together in one place...



Bloke goes into a fancy dress shop to get a costume for an up-coming party, and tells the shop-keeper what he wants. 5 minutes later, the shop-keeper comes back with an Arsenal kit. "No," says the customer. "I'm after a Dracula costume. I said I wanted to go as a Count!"
 
Bloke goes into a fancy dress shop to get a costume for an up-coming party, and tells the shop-keeper what he wants. 5 minutes later, the shop-keeper comes back with an Arsenal kit. "No," says the customer. "I'm after a Dracula costume. I said I wanted to go as a Count!"[/QUOTE]

That actually made me LOL. Love it :laugh:
 
Q: What do you say to a Gooner with a good looking bird on his arm?
A: Nice tattoo!
 
Thierry Henry was so disappointed with himself after the Republic Of Ireland game he wanted to kick himself, the only problem was which hand to use?
 
Arsenal FC.
--------------------------------

The Robin Van Persie tea tray is selling well in the Arsenal club shop.

Apparently it can carry 10 mugs
--------------------------------

What do you call the captain of Arsenal?

A future Man City substitute.
--------------------------------

"Harry Redknapp told Van der Vaart and Bale to play where they wanted."

Arsenal tried the same thing with Fabregas. He chose Barcelona.
 
Found this online a while back:

There was a Yiddo, a Scum fan and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage on a train. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and, as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap.
When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Yiddo were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Scum fan had his hand against his face as if he had been hit hard.
The Scum fan was thinking: 'That Yiddo must have kissed Claudia Schiffer who went to slap him, missed him and slapped me instead.'
Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'That Scum fan must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Yiddo and got slapped for it.'
And the Yiddo was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and hit that Scum bastard again, harder.'
 
Q. "What does a 3 pin plug and Arsenal Football Club have in common?"
A. "They're both useless in Europe"

Fire brigade phones Arsene Wenger in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr Wenger sir, The Emirates is on fire! It's out of control!!"
"The cups, man! Save the cups!" replies Arsene.
"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."
 
A goon, a mickey and a yiddo on safari in Kenya; they come across a crocodile infested river.

The goon tries to swim across first but is eaten by a croc.

The mickey jumps in next with his flick knife and is attacked by 3 crocs, he manages to stab two of them but about 3 metres from the other side he is caught by the third croc and subsequently eaten.

The yiddo gets hold of a permanent marker, writes something on his chest and swims across no problem.

Back at the safari base the yiddo was questioned by police investigating the deaths of the goon and the mickey.

How did you manage to survive when the others perished the yiddo was asked: "Easy he said, I wrote Ar5ena1, European Champions 2011-2012 on my chest, not even a fekking crocodile would swallow that one".
 
A goon wearing a blond wig, false eyelashes, make up, Ar5ena1 shirt, stockings, suspenders and high heels was found dead floating in the Thames. The police removed the shirt before contacting his next of kin to save them any embarrassment.
 
Spurs or Sex? said:
Arsenal FC.
--------------------------------

The Robin Van Persie tea tray is selling well in the Arsenal club shop.

Apparently it can carry 10 mugs
--------------------------------

What do you call the captain of Arsenal?

A future Man City substitute.
--------------------------------

"Harry Redknapp told Van der Vaart and Bale to play where they wanted."

Arsenal tried the same thing with Fabregas. He chose Barcelona.
Click to expand...

I like these ones. :)
 
The Quad is still on!

After the last World Cup, the Emirates banned the Vuvuzela, other items on the banned list are English players and trophies.


Arsenal End Of Season Dinner Menu
Starter:

Egg on Face
Seasoned Hash
Spanish Surprise (well beaten)

Main course:

Chump Chops
French (has) Beans
Manager's Beef (not rare)
Catch of the Day - (gutted)

NB: everything is imported, nothing is home grown.

Dessert:

Sour Grapes (may be hard to swallow)
Fruitless Tarts
Raspberry Fools
Hard Cheese
Humble Pie

Drinks:

Bitter
Little Spirit
French Whine
Cabernet Empty 2005/06/07/08/09/10/11
Champagne - sorry none ordered

STRICTLY NO DOUBLES OR TREBLES.

NB: drinks should be consumed from glasses as there will be no cups.
 
Marouane Chamakh is quite a good joke.

Henry to score an own goal giving Leeds victory.

You heard it here first...
 
b*llocks!

me and my blinkin' big mouth...

sorry everyone

<hangs head sheepishly>
 
Arsenal have just signed Jesus as their new goalkeeper. Easy everyone knows Jesus Saves!



<run>
 
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