I've struggled with depression from the age of 12 up to today, my 38th birthday. In short, it ****ing sucks.
It isn't something that can be pinned down to just one factor and annoyingly, it manifests differently across every sufferer of it so getting advice from others can be a nightmare. Some days I feel like I can do anything, other days I feel useless, pointless and alone. When you're the father of two of the most wonderful young girls on the planet, that shouldn't be a thing. When you spend your days teaching young people and enjoying your job, there shouldn't be dark thoughts. When you're sat watching your favourite football team, you shouldn't think about hurting yourself or subconsciously driving your fingernails into your wrists and arms because you enjoy the pain. But those are burdens I've had to live with and endure because I love so dearly the people that depend on me.
Some days it's more than a struggle, it's a battle, a full on ****ing war where if I don't win, the consequences are ****ing huge. So I have to win, every time. Other days, I don't have to fight anything and it's great. Some days I can write poetry, I can fire off 6000 words of a story that sprang to mind, I could tell you the best striker currently playing in the Bhutanese top flight or sing Frank Sinatra so damn well it brings my grandmother to tears. My problem is I have no control over when those good days can happen, or when I have to mentally duel the part of me that doesn't want me to exist. Everyday is a lottery, I guess. But like other depression sufferers, I have techniques and methods which I can use along with a decent support network and inspirations to get me through the tougher times.
I am diagnosed ADHD, severely OCD and bisexual (not a mental illness, but relevant to my earlier mental health struggles), so there's a lot of stuff my brain tries to process all at once and there are days when I just... can't. You can treat ADHD with medication, you can treat OCD with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and you can scratch the itch of bisexuality by enjoying both Tom Hardy and Karen Gillian at the same time. But you can't treat what you can't understand or explain, you can't fix a problem if you don't know the cause and you certainly can't just pop a pill and guarantee that everything will suddenly become a Woodstock style love in. There are steps some people can take to help move past depression, cure probably isn't the right word but certainly get to a point where they feel like they're much healthier - in Lenihan's case he was sectioned and underwent electroconvulsive therapy.
Footballers struggle with all sorts of mental health issues because the pressure on them to succeed in their chosen career is massive; having made it through the gruelling academy process and getting that professional contract, there's still a dozen ways you can fail and unfortunately for Lenihan, through no fault of his own, he struggled with a bad injury just as he was breaking into first team football and during that period fell into depression and tried to take his own life. They're paid good money, but then knowing that the money is perched on the edge of a cliff and could plummet at any moment is going to constantly play on their minds, especially when they're young and seeing their peers being released. Not everybody can summon the fortitude or resilience to bounce back, many young players just drop football because they feel like they've failed and a lot of the time, very few people in football are willing to step forward and correct them on that.
I hope Brian is doing well, wherever he is and I know that when I heard him on a podcast a few years ago, he reflected on that time really well.
Anyway, we signed anyone yet?