For the sake of clarity, here’s my take on the situation.
The ref said the playing surface is fine but the outfield isn’t at the moment.The HSE bod said the outfield will need to be de iced before I can give it the nod.
The grounds person, asked do we use the sprinklers on the pitch boss.
The boss said do everything you normally do.
The grounds person said Boss the sprinklers have made the tech area icy.
The boss said tell the HSE bod and get it ****ing sorted.
The HSE bod said to the ref. The outfield needs to be de iced before I give it the nod.
The ref said didn’t we have this conversation an hour ago?
The gaffer tells the players to warm up but avoid the tech area because the boss said use the sprinklers and the grounds person did and now it’s as slippery as a pole dancers fanny.
The Watford gaffer wakes up from his slumber and sends his players out, but because of sensitivities doesn’t mention pole dancers or fannies, he just puts on his head master voice and shouts Walk don’t Run as the players cross the tech area.
The valiant grounds person uses a captured dragon to try to free the ice maiden (sorry got carried away).
It doesn’t work and the smell of burnt Astro turf draws the attention of the HSE bod who says “What the ****, the bastards haven’t got safety boots on or anything, that’s it!”
He speaks to the ref and the ref says, I have had enough of you saying that the outfield is icy, that’s it, I’m off and I am taking me ball with me.
The Watford gaffer is woken from another slumber by the Hull gaffer who points to the half eaten, week old turkey butty the Watford gaffer has in his hand and says “ It’s off” the Watford gaffer says “Yer, I know, the lads will be disappointed, my missus made enough for them all to have two each”
And my version is closest to the truth.