Off Topic The dying Swan ~ Joke thread
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A video made by 'Led by donkeys' ... coincidentally followed by gullible sheep and raging lefties
I won't post any morel Starmer attack videos (and there are thousands) because it's bringing down what was once a perfectly good joke page and I guess if someone wants to start a politics thread, go wright ahead
I'm sticking to jokes only now so lefty bedwetters can now relax
ps
These posts and views are 100% mine
I'm always relaxed, and always willing to accept someone else's view without having to resort to flinging inane lefty/right wing tripe.
In the spirit of the thread,
Q, What do you call a sarcastic cowboy?
A, Tex Piss.
The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.
This Christmas please spare a thought for thousands of dwarfs struggling to put food on the table.
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There's no way I'm policing this thread. Regardless of political views, it exists for the enjoyment (or not) of members who chose to read it.
But I will say this, and it's only my opinion. Whether you agree with it or not, Turk's video post is a just a well made AI generated laugh and in the spirit of the thread and as such is fit for purpose.
TW's video post in retort is a boring political documentary style swipe made for purely political reasons and appears to have been posted to score points rather than entertain.
I'll leave it there other than to say, I enjoy TW's involvement on our forum and long may it continue, but please mate - leave the boring political "facts" off the joke thread - that is of course unless there's a laugh in it.
But I will say this, and it's only my opinion. Whether you agree with it or not, Turk's video post is a just a well made AI generated laugh and in the spirit of the thread and as such is fit for purpose.
TW's video post in retort is a boring political documentary style swipe made for purely political reasons and appears to have been posted to score points rather than entertain.
I'll leave it there other than to say, I enjoy TW's involvement on our forum and long may it continue, but please mate - leave the boring political "facts" off the joke thread - that is of course unless there's a laugh in it.
Let's face it, with the state of politics in this country (and many others), regardless of which way you may swing, there's always a laugh in it because pretty much most of what comes out of every politicians mouth is either a joke or a fantasy tale!!
Ive been following news on Trump for a while. Not because Im politically motivared (floating voter), but because its worth a giggle.
The UK politics is laughable at the moment, but in the US its a whole new level.
Lesson learned.There's no way I'm policing this thread. Regardless of political views, it exists for the enjoyment (or not) of members who chose to read it.
But I will say this, and it's only my opinion. Whether you agree with it or not, Turk's video post is a just a well made AI generated laugh and in the spirit of the thread and as such is fit for purpose.
TW's video post in retort is a boring political documentary style swipe made for purely political reasons and appears to have been posted to score points rather than entertain.
I'll leave it there other than to say, I enjoy TW's involvement on our forum and long may it continue, but please mate - leave the boring political "facts" off the joke thread - that is of course unless there's a laugh in it.
I'm from Yorkshire and this tickled me,but I don't have an accent anything like this,
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You wouldn't admit it if you did.
nicked this from somewhere so credit goes to a person unknown....emojis may disappear but it's copy and paste
Anybody get stressed about Christmas Dinner ? Read this from a butcher,
I’ve pinched this, but it’s fab!!
Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............!
Here's my top tip
Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!!
The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains.
We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over it's cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says, you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs, pine nuts and a load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no wonder he's bankrupt if that's what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one as well....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to lark about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy them and cook the things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(Oh and while we're on the subject of pudding - if Bird's Custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed shuffle them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry behinds to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET DRUNK AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!
Cheers
Getting you all in the mood.
Anybody get stressed about Christmas Dinner ? Read this from a butcher,
I’ve pinched this, but it’s fab!!
Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............!
Here's my top tip
Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!!
The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains.
We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over it's cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says, you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs, pine nuts and a load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no wonder he's bankrupt if that's what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one as well....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to lark about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy them and cook the things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(Oh and while we're on the subject of pudding - if Bird's Custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed shuffle them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry behinds to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET DRUNK AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!Cheers
Getting you all in the mood.
I’m not sure how many perverts and deviants we have on this site but I’ve come into possession of this glossy calendar and I will share it with you if any of you are interested
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Its only perverted and deviant if you're doing it right.
The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.