Jokes

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Dave was staring sadly into his pint and sighed heavily.
"What's up Dave" asked the landlord, "It's not like you to be so down in the mouth"
"It's my four year old son" the man replied.
"Don't tell me, he's in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad's just the same – forget about it, it happens to boys that age" said the landlord, sympathetically.
"I only wish it was that" continued the customer, "but it's far worse than that. The little bastard has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant."
"Get away," gasped the landlord, "that's impossible!"
"It's not!" said the man, "The little sod stuck a pin in all my condoms."
 
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Walked into a pub in Newcastle and all the locals went quite and gave me funny looks. So I ordered a pint and the barman said "your not from round here"
"No" I replied "im a taxidermist from Sunderland"
"Whats a taxidermist???"he asked
"I mount animals"
"Its ok lads he's one of us" said the barman !!!!
 
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