Johnny was riding his new bike A policeman on a horse stopped him and said Did you get that off Santa Yes replied Johnny We’ll tell him it should have a license plate I’ll have to give you a ticket Johnny asks did you get that horse from Santa Yes replies the policeman Well you’ll have to tell Santa that the dick goes on the bottom not the top
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly. The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand.
Heard from a neighbour about some trendy upmarket street food burger van so decided to visit with the wife, she said 'i thought you were taking me somewhere special ' ....I retorted 'calm down,I believe it's got two Michelin tyres '
i was larking about in the queue to get into a late night club, when i reached the door the guy said 'sorry i can't let you in'...i replied 'i was only messin' mate,come on'.. he said it's not that, you've no tie on'...to late to buy one i ran back to the car and made one from some jump leads...'will this be o.k. i pleaded'....'for your cheek,go on then but don't start anything'...
Some guy broke into my flat last week. The TV wasn't taken but he stole the remote... Now he just drives by and changes the channel. Sick bastard.
THE Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack. "Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?" Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican ?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican ." In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them. Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Rome?" The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in all of Rome . "This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting.. "Grumpy shagged a penguin!" "Grumpy shagged a penguin!"
Why is there always a shop selling luggage at the airport ?…Who the f*ck’s going on holiday with armfuls of clothes saying ‘F*ck it , we’ll pack when we get there !’
I looked out of my window and saw a group of people gathering around a bloke who came off his motorbike, so I frantically rushed over. "Out of the way!" I shouted", as I pushed through the crowd. "Are you a doctor?" one woman screamed. "No" I replied, "The tw*t was delivering my pizza."
My Auntie Marge has been ill for so long that we've changed her name to “I can’t believe she’s not better.”
