Off Topic Another delve into nostalgia, honesty required ...

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Smug in Boots

Smug in Boots

Well-Known Member
Jan 27, 2011
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Upper Largo Scotland
... don't worry, no one can see what you're posting, this is an incognito thread <laugh>

The question is, 'If you could manage to eat humble pie/forgive/go back in time or whatever who's the one person you'd call.'

For me, it would be my big sister who fell out with me when me Mam died. She totally took over the funeral arrangements, contacted those people who'd been deemed acceptable to invite, had tea with the vicar, decided what the songs would be, etc. She left me to clear out the house and clean it, go for the death certificate, meet the council rep to hand over the keys and all the other menial tasks.

Despite me quietly handling everything she decided I had spoiled everything by sending a small posy from me Dad who'd died before her and had, in truth, been a typical hard drinking gambling fighting Geordie miner and not been the ideal husband/father.

However, I've just decided to send a letter to say that, at our ages, the time to make up is running out ...

... if it remains unanswered at least I'll die happy knowing I tried.

So, boys and girls, who's your secret nemesis.
 
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Smug in Boots said:
... don't worry, no one can see what you're posting, this is an incognito thread <laugh>

The question is, 'If you could manage to eat humble pie/forgive/go back in time or whatever who's the one person you'd call.'

For me, it would be my big sister who fell out with me when me Mam died. She totally took over the funeral arrangements, contacted those people who'd been deemed acceptable to invite, had tea with the vicar, decided what the songs would be, etc. She left me to clear out the house and clean it, go for the death certificate, meet the council rep to hand over the keys and all the other menial tasks.

Despite me quietly handling everything she decided I had spoiled everything by sending a small posy from me Dad who'd died before her and had, in truth, been a typical hard drinking gambling fighting Geordie miner and not been the ideal husband/father.

However, I've just decided to send a letter to say that, at our ages, the time to make up is running out ...

... if it remains unanswered at least I'll die happy knowing I tried.

So, boys and girls, who's your secret nemesis.
Click to expand...
Hope you get the response you are looking for marra
 
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Families generally are a mess..

My brother (ex police) hardly spoke to our mother for 15 years ( some perceived slight years ago). I had to mediate/pass messages

My cousin (ex marine) has had a row with his mum, hardly spoken to her in 18 months. I refuse to get involved.

One of my golf mates (Yorkshire) is always rowing with his 'partner' a strong independent women (a local councillor ) who i am also friends. I get lumbered listening to them both.

Sometimes I wonder if hermits have the right idea?
 
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Well Smug you've started something here so here I go.
I have five brothers, I'm second youngest and in 2007 my eldest brother died after a long battle with cancer.
At that time we were living in France and would come home two or three times a year, by home I mean Cumbria and me and the missus always travelled over to see him knowing his time was short. He lived in South Tyneside.
Another brother who lived fairly locally to the one I lost hardly ever visited but that was no loss as his wife was a stuck up snob and my brother was a retired miner and they had nothing in common.
Anyway come the funeral and I mentioned to this brother about his attire in a light hearted way, nothing was said until a bit later when he let it known that him and his wife were upset by my comments and we were off their Christmas card list so to speak which was fair enough for me.
I tried twice to sort it out, once when we spread the ashes and a second time I rang him from France and he slammed the phone down on me.
That's fifteen years ago coming up and when we've been to family does we've been shunned and ignored.
I'm coming up 73 and often think it should be sorted but it takes two to tango and I have great regrets over what was meant as light hearted banter which went wrong.
Sorry this has turned out a bit War and Peace.
 
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cumbrianmackem said:
Well Smug you've started something here so here I go.
I have five brothers, I'm second youngest and in 2007 my eldest brother died after a long battle with cancer.
At that time we were living in France and would come home two or three times a year, by home I mean Cumbria and me and the missus always travelled over to see him knowing his time was short. He lived in South Tyneside.
Another brother who lived fairly locally to the one I lost hardly ever visited but that was no loss as his wife was a stuck up snob and my brother was a retired miner and they had nothing in common.
Anyway come the funeral and I mentioned to this brother about his attire in a light hearted way, nothing was said until a bit later when he let it known that him and his wife were upset by my comments and we were off their Christmas card list so to speak which was fair enough for me.
I tried twice to sort it out, once when we spread the ashes and a second time I rang him from France and he slammed the phone down on me.
That's fifteen years ago coming up and when we've been to family does we've been shunned and ignored.
I'm coming up 73 and often think it should be sorted but it takes two to tango and I have great regrets over what was meant as light hearted banter which went wrong.
Sorry this has turned out a bit War and Peace.
Click to expand...

Great post mate, and of course tiny slights can turn into War & Peace.

I have some absolutely top class mates, perhaps I'm lucky, but I'd sacrifice them all if my immediate family could all get on ...

... I have a huge family, in the NE, from wealthy executives to ex-pit blokes, and most get along.

But it's amazing how some seemingly insignificant comment can cause a war.
 
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To be honest, anyone (even family members) that I have fallen out with has really deserved it (and generally the shunning has been all their work, not mine) so I don't give a **** about them now.

I still send Christmas cards, but I know they wouldn't have sent me one first when we subsequently get a card back with a first class stamp!

So fcuk 'em.
 
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Like yourself @Smug in Boots, mam died and i did all the running around, paid for the echo announcement and basically everything but big sis took over the selling of the house as 'she knew people'...basically she sold the house to one of her hubbies business mates a hell of a lot cheaper than i think we should have got for it and me being me decided to tell her straight.

did not speak for many years till my coronary when she came to see me in hospital and that was that, we stay in touch again now...do i regret my decision not to speak for so long, i dont think i do as at the time it seemed right and i felt badly wronged and if not for the heart attack i doubt anything would have changed...other than that there are a few from my younger days can go feck themselves and when they are done, feck themselves again, i have no desire to ever speak to those people again.
 
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Smug in Boots said:
... don't worry, no one can see what you're posting, this is an incognito thread <laugh>

The question is, 'If you could manage to eat humble pie/forgive/go back in time or whatever who's the one person you'd call.'

For me, it would be my big sister who fell out with me when me Mam died. She totally took over the funeral arrangements, contacted those people who'd been deemed acceptable to invite, had tea with the vicar, decided what the songs would be, etc. She left me to clear out the house and clean it, go for the death certificate, meet the council rep to hand over the keys and all the other menial tasks.

Despite me quietly handling everything she decided I had spoiled everything by sending a small posy from me Dad who'd died before her and had, in truth, been a typical hard drinking gambling fighting Geordie miner and not been the ideal husband/father.

However, I've just decided to send a letter to say that, at our ages, the time to make up is running out ...

... if it remains unanswered at least I'll die happy knowing I tried.

So, boys and girls, who's your secret nemesis.
Click to expand...

Good for you mate. Life's full of regrets and generally stubbornness on the behalf of two parties means there's never a chance of reconciliation.

This must have been playing on your mind for a while, as it probably has on hers over the years. You've made the move and hopefully your sister will reciprocate. Either way, as you say, you've tried.

I hope everything works out for you.
 
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cumbrianmackem said:
Well Smug you've started something here so here I go.
I have five brothers, I'm second youngest and in 2007 my eldest brother died after a long battle with cancer.
At that time we were living in France and would come home two or three times a year, by home I mean Cumbria and me and the missus always travelled over to see him knowing his time was short. He lived in South Tyneside.
Another brother who lived fairly locally to the one I lost hardly ever visited but that was no loss as his wife was a stuck up snob and my brother was a retired miner and they had nothing in common.
Anyway come the funeral and I mentioned to this brother about his attire in a light hearted way, nothing was said until a bit later when he let it known that him and his wife were upset by my comments and we were off their Christmas card list so to speak which was fair enough for me.
I tried twice to sort it out, once when we spread the ashes and a second time I rang him from France and he slammed the phone down on me.
That's fifteen years ago coming up and when we've been to family does we've been shunned and ignored.
I'm coming up 73 and often think it should be sorted but it takes two to tango and I have great regrets over what was meant as light hearted banter which went wrong.
Sorry this has turned out a bit War and Peace.
Click to expand...

To your credit CM, you've tried before to sort it out and been rebuked. Hopefully, they will think like Smug and ring you.
 
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Over 30 years ago my older brother and his wife fell out with my mam when she criticised his wife over the way she spoke to him (justified by the rest of us). My brother took his wife's side and stopped speaking/visiting for a number of years.
This broke me and my wife's hearts because family was/is everything to us, so I devised a an to try and get them talking by inviting them over for Christmas tea one year.
My mam and dad were in our house when my brother in his wife turned up but it worked and they started talking.
However, my mam died less than 3 weeks later but I always feel I did the right thing and at keast gotten talking again, even if it was for such a short time.
Problem is they haven't learnt anything and have now fallen out with their daughter and haven't spoke to her for a number of years, again mainly due to his wife.
This time they are going to miss our as she is due to get married soon, for which we are invited but they are not.
 
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Tongester55 said:
Over 30 years ago my older brother and his wife fell out with my mam when she criticised his wife over the way she spoke to him (justified by the rest of us). My brother took his wife's side and stopped speaking/visiting for a number of years.
This broke me and my wife's hearts because family was/is everything to us, so I devised a an to try and get them talking by inviting them over for Christmas tea one year.
My mam and dad were in our house when my brother in his wife turned up but it worked and they started talking.
However, my mam died less than 3 weeks later but I always feel I did the right thing and at keast gotten talking again, even if it was for such a short time.
Problem is they haven't learnt anything and have now fallen out with their daughter and haven't spoke to her for a number of years, again mainly due to his wife.
This time they are going to miss our as she is due to get married soon, for which we are invited but they are not.
Click to expand...

Brought a tear to my eye that mate.

Reminds me of my elder brother who won't speak to my lovely niece since she left MI5, because of the stress, and he couldn't boast to his friends about her. She was undercover, in Belfast, and tracking terrorists ffs. 'My side' of the family treasure her and love her, thankfully she knows that but she really just wants her dad to appreciate her for who she is, not what she was.
 
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For me it doesn't involve family, but I'd love to be able to go back and see a couple of friends of mine again.
One was my mate big Jim. We'd been friends from meeting at college when I was doing my A levels, even though he was older than me as a mature student, we ended up going to Uni together and were good mates for years and saw each other regularly. After he had a motorbike accident he didn't go out as much, due to needing a walking stick to help him get around and needing regular painkillers, but we still saw each other when we could. In 2012 I saw him for the first time in a while and he told me he had lung cancer and was starting treatment for it. I didn't see him a lot, but kept in touch mostly by email and he kept me up to date with how things were going. In mid 2015 I lost touch with him when some heavy duty family issues kicked off, including my dad having a massive stroke in 2016. When things settled down, which was about 18 months later I didn't get any responses from any messages I sent to him. Through a mutual acquaintance I later found out that Jim had died in mid 2016, shortly after my dad had had his stroke. I didn't dig too much, but I found out that a few months after I'd last heard from him his health massively deteriorated and the last 6 months or so had been really hard. It's a regret that I didn't hear from him or get a chance to speak to him more before he died
 
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I have two brothers i'm the youngest of 3. The middle brother is ....by common consensus...the odd one out. I'm 64 now and during my lifetime he has cut me off, two or three times, he's done the same with my other brother and my late mother...he seems to have a need for conflict in his life. I find that weird. Anyway, about 7 years ago I flew back from Abu Dhabi for the Man Utd game and was in the country for literally 2 days before I flew back. I didn't visit him, didn't have the time, Since then he has cut me loose and has lost contact with my other brother. I can't be bothered with this, but perversely I still miss the silly old sod, he has a sense of humour second to none, just wish he would sort himself out and we (all the brothers) could get back to how it should be.
 
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