In the last year eleven people have died from lifting weights at the gym, in the last eleven years only one person has died from eating a doughnut. Makes you think, eh?
Harry and George ('cause I'm not allowed to say Pat and Mick) were cleaning windows. Perched twenty floors up on their respective cradles, Harry just below George. George drops his leather. he leans over and calls to harry. "Oi, Harry, throw me up my leather". Harry grabs the leather and tosses it up, but it's a bit far out. George makes a grab for it and misses. He falls twenty stories to his inevitable death. At the inquest the Coroner asks Harry "Can you think of any reason for George to take his life in this manner?" "Well, Sir, I think he was a sex maniac." "Oh, says the Coroner, and what makes you think that?" "Well, I believe his last thoughts were of sex. Just as he passed me on the way down I distinctly heard him say, 'Cuuuuuuunt!!'
I told my missus the doctor had given me a prescription for daily sex... She didn't believe me and insisted I showed it to her. I duly handed it over and she said "you daft sod, its for your dyslexia!"
Three dogs sat in a vet’s waiting room, a Collie, Labrador, and Great Dane. The Lab turns to the Collie and asks, “Why are you here?” The Collie replies “I’m a bit of a digger and last week I dug a hole in my owners new couch; I’m here to have my balls chopped off as it will apparently calm me down” The Collie asks the Labrador, “and why are you here?” He replied, “I’m a bit of a pisser, I slash everywhere and anywhere all hours of the day and night. The last straw was this morning when I pissed on my masters’ bed, so, I’m here to have my balls chopped off too, to calm me down.” They both turned to the Great Dane and asked, “Why are you here?” He replied, “Well I’m just a bit of a humper. I will hump anything and anyone. Last night my lady owner came out of the shower, bent over, and I just couldn’t help myself; I jumped up and rattles away!” They say to him, “So you’re having your balls chopped off to calm you down, as well?” He replies, “No, apparently I’m having my nails clipped”
