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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    Ann had lost her husband almost four years ago.
    Her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
    Finally, Ann said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

    Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom I have someone for you to meet."

    Well, it was an immediate hit.
    They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
    he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont ..
    Their first night there, she undressed as he did
    There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

    Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

    She replied: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning."

    He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
    The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom ..

    She looked at him and asked: "What's with the black condom?"

    He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences"
     
    #3501
  2. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    Petrol and diesel cars were to have been fazed out in the UK by 2030 but, apparently, this has now been revised to next Wednesday.
     
    #3502
    Eric Le Merde likes this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #3503
    Whitejock and oldschool like this.
  4. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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  5. **Hector **

    **Hector ** Well-Known Member

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    #3505
    Makemstine Roger and Gessa like this.
  6. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    I'm off to Devon soon, it rhymes that will do :biggrin:
     
    #3506
  7. Whitejock

    Whitejock Well-Known Member

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    #3507
  8. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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  9. 2 pennth

    2 pennth Well-Known Member

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    #3509
    Makemstine Roger, Gessa and Diego like this.
  10. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    #3510
    Makemstine Roger and Gessa like this.

  11. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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  12. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  13. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    What weighs 126lb and wears a stetson?

    A nine stone cowboy
     
    #3513
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  14. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    My new sat nav is voiced by Frank Sinatra:

    "And now, Southend is near.."
     
    #3514
    Makemstine Roger and Diego like this.
  15. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    A boy was in his science class learning about sexually transmitted diseases. There was quite a bit of giggling.
    The teacher said, "there's nothing funny about syphilis!"
    The boy replied, "there is if the doctor has a lisp."
     
    #3515
    Makemstine Roger and Gessa like this.
  16. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    #3516
  17. Poly

    Poly Well-Known Member

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    My ex-wife should've been on one of the airplanes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11. I think.
     
    #3517
  18. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  19. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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  20. xbpod

    xbpod Well-Known Member

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