Really bad puns!!!

[Bloody Wanker]

No I'm not.
Here's a few more jokes you'll enjoy these.
The Manchester United supporters club is known as the mushroom club, they are kept in the dark and fed any old crap.
Whats the difference between a Man United fan and a vibrator? A Man United fan is a real dick.
Whats the difference between a Man United fan and a trampoline. You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
How do you stop a Man United fan from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
What do you call 1000 Man United fans falling out of the sky? Diarrhoea.

You say you're not, but then reel off more ****e jokes about United.

Massive contradiction, by a massive knobhead. You're obsessed, end of story.

 

[saintanton]

Fgs, guys- can't we even have a thread about puns without it descending into the usual farcical argument?

Anyway, my knob's twelve inches long- but I don't use it as a rule.

 

[The Ginger Marks]

Well done

I can't believe that someone out there could be as funny as me.

 

[The Ginger Marks]

Fgs, guys- can't we even have a thread about puns without it descending into the usual farcical argument?

Anyway, my knob's twelve inches long- but I don't use it as a rule.

What did you expect with dippers and plastics?

 

[Bloody Wanker]

What did you expect with dippers and plastics?

Ironic. Designed to incite another argument. I've got your number!

 

[Swarbs]

I can't believe that someone out there could be as funny as me.

Well you are on the right thread to find someone as funny as you...

 

[The Ginger Marks]

Ironic. Designed to incite another argument. I've got your number!

It wasn't designed for anything, just telling the truth but if the cap fits fella knock yourself out!

 

[AlvinD'Klein]

I was eating my tea last night when I thought to myself... This milk must be really out of date.

 

[danilo.]

Confucius says, boy who go to bed with stiff problem, wake up with solution in hand.

or

Confucius says, man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day long.

 

[Annabelle]

If it's not sh***e, it's chewing gum. There's always something stuck to your shoes.

 

[Red Hadron Collider]

I can't believe that someone out there could be as funny as me.

Funny looking?

 

[Red Hadron Collider]

I was eating my tea last night when I thought to myself... This milk must be really out of date.

Thatls actually quite clever.

Confucius he say "Man who go out with flat-chested woman have reason for feeling down"

 

[AlvinD'Klein]

The world potato sculptings championships were held in Newcastle this morning. The winner got a potato clock... everyone else got up at 9'oclock. <run>

 

[Jonesey]

Confucius says, boy who go to bed with stiff problem, wake up with solution in hand.

or

Confucius says, man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day long.

In a similar vein - "Man who takes girl into wood at top of hill, not on level"

 

[Robby202]

Glass Coffins, will they catch on?


Remains to be seen......

 

[antidistinctlyminty (ADM)]

Confucius says, boy who go to bed with stiff problem, wake up with solution in hand.

or

Confucius says, man with hole in pocket, feel cocky all day long.

Confucious say man with holes in two pockets not feel too cocky

 

[antidistinctlyminty (ADM)]

Mary had a little lamb
with which she used to sleep
too late she found it was a ram
now Mary has a little lamb

 

[totsfan]

if you want to get your own back.pee into the wind

 

[averagealex5]

i drove past a disabled school recently ...the sign outside said slow children



What do you get if you put a baby in a blender.........an erection

Please dont take offence

 

[crocarno]

A couple of Tommy Coopers:

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.


A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'. The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'.





A few other sillies:

Q. What's brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
A. Bourneville and Dean.



There is a group of chess contestants in hotel reception bragging about how good they are. The Manager asks them to leave as he doesn't want 'chess nuts boasting in an open foyer'



Q. Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children?
A. He only comes once a year and that's down the chimney.