Off Topic Insults that you remember

[Nathan Brazil]

Conversation at work about insults we've had that have stuck in the memory, for whatever reason.


I was told -about 30 yr ago after a game of football- that I run like a gorilla but walk like a girl.

No one else has ever classed me as a gorillagirl so who knows why.

(Mine was the only one that didn't involve swearing and/or death threats)

 

[Rhinos Legend]

A squaddie friend of mine was once told by his BC that he was lower than pond life, and that he was just a tab butt on the sole of life’s shoe.

 

[Ginnanson]

Got told I looked like the candlestick from beauty and the beast... WTF?!

 

[Makemstine Roger]

ONE RSM ON THE PARADE GROUND TO A ROOKIE WHO COULDNT GET HIS RIGHT FROM LEFT

The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

dad to son who wants an 8oo quid phone
son i hate you wish i was a spaceman and been shot into space
dad if i wasn't pissed you would have been

 

[Makemstine Roger]

Got told I looked like the candlestick from beauty and the beast... WTF?!

hope it wasn't the lesbians one

 

[Makemstine Roger]

Sergeant telling guys to hurry up in the showers
come on get out, **** me son that looks like the last turkeys neck in the shop, do you struggle with girlfriends

 

[Ginnanson]

hope it wasn't the lesbians one

Ne idea...

also remember playing Liverpool and the chant “Luis Suarez your teeth are offside” got going, he replied by scoring 2 goals.

 

[Deletion Requested1]

"If wit was **** you'd be constipated"

 

[Vincemac]

Was at the brother in laws
I was bbq king for years
Came back from the toilet
This bimbo neighbour said
I hope you’ve washed your hands
This was 2016
I’ve never cook again

 

[Gil T Azell]

When I want to speak to you I'll throw fish.

 

[FellTop]

Cricketers are the best at insults. My favourite was Merv Hughes and Robin Smith. Smith played and missed and Hughes said "you cant f***ing bat". Smith hits next one for 4 and says " we make a great pair, I cant f***ing bat and you cant f***ing bowl".

Always tickles me when I think of that. If you are going to insult someone be prepared for a response in time.

 

[C19RK73]

You’ve got a face only a mother could love

 

[Robref62]

Always remember a m8 insulting his lass by saying she had nee tits so didnt need to wear a bra....her comeback was..."ye fkn wear underpants dont ya"

 

[Nig]

I remember a referee telling me a player he'd had a dealing with said to him.
"If I call you a cùnt will you send me off" ?
The ref said "yes, if you call me a **** i will send you off".

The player then said, "what if I just think your a cùnt" ?

Ref, "I can't send you off for thinking I'm a cùnt".

Player, "oh ok, I think your a cùnt".

 

[Makemstine Roger]

I remember a referee telling me a player he'd had a dealing with said to him.
"If I call you a cùnt will you send me off" ?
The ref said "yes, if you call me a **** i will send you off".

The player then said, "what if I just think your a cùnt" ?

Ref, "I can't send you off for thinking I'm a cùnt".

Player, "oh ok, I think your a cùnt".

your gonna send me off now for what im thinking arnt you............

 

[Draig]

Apparently I dance like an epileptic spider!

In all fairness this is probably only because a) I was a teen in the northern soul era and b) I have to be well oiled to be seen frequenting any dance floor.

 

[Nig]

your gonna sent me off now for what im thinking arnt you............

It's a good job am not easily upset you nasty man

 

[Makemstine Roger]

Nig you is da man..........................

 

[C19RK73]

A recent one I saw on Facebook was :

yer ma shares 3 year old missing dog posts from Yugoslavia

 

[flandersmackem]

Once heard a bloke in an argument say to another guy

"God wasted a good a rsehole when he put teeth in your mouth"