Off Topic Golf

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Dorty Dogbreath said:
Played a few holes this afternoon. I was just about to walk off the course when a chocolate labrador came striding over to me, snarling and frothing at the mouth like an angry Birmingham City fan. The dogs owner and a young girl shouted at the dog to return to them. Meanwhile the dog snarled at me, I stood my ground and the dog eventually backed off. At this point I said to the woman that the dog wouldn't have attacked me had it been on a lead. The young lass with her then said the dog doesn't bite <doh> and the owner said it was because I was carrying my bag and clubs...on a golf course..having played golf...that I was to blame. At this point, I resisted the urge to wrap my driver around her and her dog's head, and an argument ensued. All told the dog went for me three times. The woman never once said sorry and didn't put the fat ugly dog on its lead. Stupid cow.
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Back on the Mossheeps then...
 
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Dorty Dogbreath said:
Played a few holes this afternoon. I was just about to walk off the course when a chocolate labrador came striding over to me, snarling and frothing at the mouth like an angry Birmingham City fan. The dogs owner and a young girl shouted at the dog to return to them. Meanwhile the dog snarled at me, I stood my ground and the dog eventually backed off. At this point I said to the woman that the dog wouldn't have attacked me had it been on a lead. The young lass with her then said the dog doesn't bite <doh> and the owner said it was because I was carrying my bag and clubs...on a golf course..having played golf...that I was to blame. At this point, I resisted the urge to wrap my driver around her and her dog's head, and an argument ensued. All told the dog went for me three times. The woman never once said sorry and didn't put the fat ugly dog on its lead. Stupid cow.
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Next time just wait till you see them and conveniently slice your tee shot their way! Oooops, sorry luv, it's because you're walking on a golf course you stupid ****ing munter, now **** off before I decide to use you to rake that bunker over there. Seriously man, what the **** is it with dog owners? If my dog went for people for any particular reason and ran over snarling etc (a) it would be on a lead unless there was literally nobody in sight or (b) it would be muzzled and off the lead. By the sounds of it it could do with shedding a bit of weight (maybe Chippy can get it on his low carb thing) so needs to be off the lead to get more exercise. It's never the ****ing dogs fault is it...or theirs? It's always some ****er elses. With any luck it'll bite someone (not fatally) and get put down. Not sure I'd have been able to hold my opinions back like, lovely example to be setting to her kid eh?
 
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Heed said:
Back on the Mossheeps then...
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Have you seen it lately? The bottom part ain't too bad where the footy pitches are, but you can forget about the bit up the bank. The council in their wisdom/economy drive have decided to just leave it unattended. It's not about 2 foot high, full of dog **** and all sorts. Sometimes walk the dog up there round the path, which miraculously you can still see. Lost his ball in there once and went looking for it and came across a dumped car engine :-)
 
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jimileysbaldhead said:
You'd struggle to hit the 13th in one, it's a par 5.

The 12th however may be reachable for you with a good driver.....<whistle>
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Aye, the 12th I meant :-), always get them mixed up. 155yd par 3, piece of cake man...dunno why Speith struggles with it so much ! 7 or 8 iron (depending on wind) straight onto the short stuff...bish bash bosh, up and down for birdie <laugh>

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cronemeister said:
Next time just wait till you see them and conveniently slice your tee shot their way! Oooops, sorry luv, it's because you're walking on a golf course you stupid ****ing munter, now **** off before I decide to use you to rake that bunker over there. Seriously man, what the **** is it with dog owners? If my dog went for people for any particular reason and ran over snarling etc (a) it would be on a lead unless there was literally nobody in sight or (b) it would be muzzled and off the lead. By the sounds of it it could do with shedding a bit of weight (maybe Chippy can get it on his low carb thing) so needs to be off the lead to get more exercise. It's never the ****ing dogs fault is it...or theirs? It's always some ****er elses. With any luck it'll bite someone (not fatally) and get put down. Not sure I'd have been able to hold my opinions back like, lovely example to be setting to her kid eh?
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Absolutely T.
 
cronemeister said:
Have you seen it lately? The bottom part ain't too bad where the footy pitches are, but you can forget about the bit up the bank. The council in their wisdom/economy drive have decided to just leave it unattended. It's not about 2 foot high, full of dog **** and all sorts. Sometimes walk the dog up there round the path, which miraculously you can still see. Lost his ball in there once and went looking for it and came across a dumped car engine :)
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<grr> Ffs, the bastard council. We spent a load of our childhood on there, playing football, cricket, golf, poking lasses.
 
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Dorty Dogbreath said:
<grr> Ffs, the bastard council. We spent a load of our childhood on there, playing football, cricket, gold, poking lasses.
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Literally nearly just choked on me coffee there like, PMSL. You live life on the edge like don't ya? It was far too open up there back then for that sort of shenanigans, unless you were up in the bushes next to the flats where the old basketball/football bit used to be (now an overflow car park for Cardinal Hume). We used to go down the lines for that sort of stuff on the opposite site of the road on the way down to my old school (Eddies).
 
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cronemeister said:
Literally nearly just choked on me coffee there like, PMSL. You live life on the edge like don't ya? It was far too open up there back then for that sort of shenanigans, unless you were up in the bushes next to the flats where the old basketball/football bit used to be (now an overflow car park for Cardinal Hume). We used to go down the lines for that sort of stuff on the opposite site of the road on the way down to my old school (Eddies).
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Ah, the memories <whistle> It was on the middle of the oval part of the field where I had my first encounter with an out of control dog and thicko dog owner. We must have been about ten or eleven and playing footy, minding our own business. Some dog, off the lead, ran over and burst our caser and the bloke said nowt and off he went with his poxy black lab <grr> No ball = no football. What a tosser, not one apology from him. And so began my hatred of dogs off the lead <grr><laugh>
 
Ps. the first words I normally utter to any dog as it approaches me is **** off <laugh>There was another time a few weeks back when some bloke had strayed onto the course to have a piss and I was walking my cocker spaniel (on the lead). It was in exactly the same place as yesterday, this bloke's slobbering, glaky cross golden lab came bounding over to pester my dog, I just manoeuvred myself between it and my dog, the bastard thing got that frustrated at not being able to get to my dog that it ran away whining. All this time the dogs owner was pissing all over his strides <laugh> I just glowered at him and his dog, no words required, not even **** off.
 
cronemeister said:
Literally nearly just choked on me coffee there like, PMSL. You live life on the edge like don't ya? It was far too open up there back then for that sort of shenanigans, unless you were up in the bushes next to the flats where the old basketball/football bit used to be (now an overflow car park for Cardinal Hume). We used to go down the lines for that sort of stuff on the opposite site of the road on the way down to my old school (Eddies).
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I used to poke lasses up there before I moved to Derby, usually to see if they were alive.
 
Dorty Dogbreath said:
Ps. the first words I normally utter to any dog as it approaches me is **** off <laugh>There was another time a few weeks back when some bloke had strayed onto the course to have a piss and I was walking my cocker spaniel (on the lead). It was in exactly the same place as yesterday, this bloke's slobbering, glaky cross golden lab came bounding over to pester my dog, I just manoeuvred myself between it and my dog, the bastard thing got that frustrated at not being able to get to my dog that it ran away whining. All this time the dogs owner was pissing all over his strides <laugh> I just glowered at him and his dog, no words required, not even **** off.
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I remember a few years ago I had my old springer out across the fields and this big black labrador came bounding over towards us. Well my dog f@cking hates black labs ever since he was attacked by one when he was a pup. A monumental dog brawl ensued with me trying to get in between them. Then this chap came wandering over the crest of hill just as I'd separated the dogs and said " ah...I heard a bit of dog disagreement, looks like you're on top of it "
It was Jonathan Agnew and he'd just moved into the village. Once we'd established neither dog was hurt and the scrap was just one of those dog things we walked back together. Every time I subsequently bumped into him on dog walks his black lab and my dog got on like a house on fire. It was the only black lab he ever got on until he died.

ps....there was no name dropping in the making of this thread.
 
jimileysbaldhead said:
I remember a few years ago I had my old springer out across the fields and this big black labrador came bounding over towards us. Well my dog f@cking hates black labs ever since he was attacked by one when he was a pup. A monumental dog brawl ensued with me trying to get in between them. Then this chap came wandering over the crest of hill just as I'd separated the dogs and said " ah...I heard a bit of dog disagreement, looks like you're on top of it "
It was Jonathan Agnew and he'd just moved into the village. Once we'd established neither dog was hurt and the scrap was just one of those dog things we walked back together. Every time I subsequently bumped into him on dog walks his black lab and my dog got on like a house on fire. It was the only black lab he ever got on until he died.

ps....there was no name dropping in the making of this thread.
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Black lab off the lead and attacking <grr> I'd have been tempted to kick Agnew's dog in the googlies, Jim.
 
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All this reminds of an old twat in our dene who used to take his nephew's chocolate lab out for walkies. He couldn't control it on the lead though so would just unleash it literally on any unsuspecting dog. He did it to my mad mate, Geoff, not to be messed with. The lab attacked his jack Russell to which he then hoofed the lab twice to get it off. Then the old bloke got a serious mouthful from moi. Honestly, some dog owners are as thick as mince. A few days later the same chocolate lab did it to another dog in the dene.
 
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This off topic thread has even gone off topic from the original off topic title.<doh> Some cracking stories in here and no name dropping whatsoever which is great so I think it deserve it's own thread :-)
 
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cronemeister said:
This off topic thread has even gone off topic from the original off topic title.<doh> Some cracking stories in here and no name dropping whatsoever which is great so I think it deserve it's own thread :)
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This. One of the best things about taking doggy for walks is that you often get the chance to speak to sexy women who wouldn't otherwise give you the time of day! <whistle>
 
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