Transfer Rumours transfer thread fact and fiction

The Sun are reporting that Wilfried Haha has turned down £120k a week at palace to test himself at a 'big club'.

Suggested destinations are.......Spurs........Borussia Dortmund..........Everton......................****ing Everton?..............

"Nurse, nurse."

 

Aston Villa Chairman, Tony Xia, has written an open letter to Villa fans. It contains these lines.........

7. To be clear, to meet FFP we need to player trade. No shareholding sale of any size will contribute to meeting FFP. We must reduce costs and increase revenue

8. Selling any size of shareholding in the club will not aid in respect to FFP

Oh Tony, Daniel Levy's going to make you pay him to take Grealish away if you keep this up.

 

Potential scenarios for this happening
i.) We're dropping either Eriksen or Alli into a deeper role next season, so need a marauding midfielder to protect them
ii.) We're dropping Dier into a back three next season, so need another defensive midfielder
iii.) A combination of i & ii
iv.) Wanyama's off, and with him linked to Dortmund there's the obvious suggestion he'd be a makeweight in any Pulisic deal, so we need backup
v.) We're doing it to spite those reactionary dickheads on Twitter saying we should never sign a Colombian player (while also selling Sanchez, apparently...)

 

According to Spurs Community, it's not us but West Ham who are in for him.

 

If he mistakenly turns up to Spurs Lodge for a medial, we shouldn't embarrass him - while telling Levy to get that contract drawn up QUICK

 

Surely if he's getting advice from Big Dave he will very quickly find out that signing for the spammers is like cutting your own dick off.

 

Nurse, Nurse!!!

 

No wonder he's claiming to be off to Spurs. Who's gonna tell people that you're off to The White Elephant, to play for The Dildo Bros.?

 

Any old past it pro who spends 10 months per season in the treatment room.

 

If you believed the Spammers ITK’s they are also signing Messi, Ronnie and Neymar - especially Neymar after they heard he was an expert at ‘rolling’....

 

Random Bundesliga Link
Today it's Hannover striker (and cedent instructions for when holding a champagne flute) Niclas Fullkrug, who looks a lot like a German Vincent Janssen

...actually, scratch that, he looks like one of Papa Jupiter's family from The Hills Have Eyes

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Wait a minute, is that a new signing behind Vorm?

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Harry Hotspur to toss off 116 words on how we should be signing players with a full head of hair in 3...2...1...

 

More succinct version

 

The club is delighted to announce that we have re-signed veteran goalkeeper, Brad Friedel, on a 1 year deal. #WelcomeBackBrad

 

As per the club's Twitter, the following players have been shown returning to training today
Serge Aurier
Ben Davies
Pablo Gazzaniga
Erik Lamela
Lucas Moura
Moussa Sissoko
Michel Vorm
Vincent Wanyama
Harry Winks

On the other hand, here is a list of the players who were also expected to return to training today who haven't been shown so far...
Cameron Carter-Vickers
Juan Foyth
Vincent Janssen
Fernando Llorente
Georges-Kevin N'Koudou
Josh Onomah
Kyle Walker-Peters

I get the feeling three names on that list won't be getting removed anytime soon...

 

A picture of that, with Brad in the alleged new Nike home shirt,
taken in the new WHL "cheese room" , labelled with #brave,
should be enough for the Baddiel looky-likey to make his head
go like the first scene in Scanners.

 

A month today the transfer window closes. No new signings on the horizon apart from probably Grealish.

 

And we should be grateful for that. < Dier Hard >

 

Suuuuper.
Super Jack!
Suuuuper.
Super Jack!
Suuuuper.
Super Jack!
Super Jacky Greaaalish!

 

The worst part is several ITKs are repeating the mantra that, once the World Cup's done, there's going to be a signing blitz

...yeah, unless those players are (for the sake of throwing a few names down) any combination of De Ligt, Pulisic, NDombele, Rabiot and Plea, that's a ****load of post-World Cup markups we'd be paying.