Last night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in the hospital's A&E. I had tubes up my nose, down my throat and all round my head. There were wires monitoring every function. I had a hell of a pain in my left ear, and there was a gorgeous nurse hovering over me. It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident. She looked at me deep & steady. I heard her slowly say, 'You may not feel anything from the waist down.' I managed to mumble, 'Can I feel your tits, then?'
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 am and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied --- "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late. "The officer then asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, "The wife."
the Athletic Bilbao squad flew in for their crunch Big Vase fixture against Zorya, they all tried to leave the airport terminal via the same revolving door. Problem was, too many players tried to get in at once. The door malfunctioned, leaving them waiting nearly an hour for someone to fix it and let them out. The moral of the story? Never put all your Basques in one exit...
