please log in to view this image Kim Jong Un calling Trump a #dotard means he's used an English dictionary at least one more time than Trump.
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks, "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Trouble with Inflation An inflatable pupil goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in his history lesson, he gets up and walks out. In the inflatable corridor he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him, pulls a knife out and stabs him. He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again "I hate school" and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable home. Two hours later, his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself. Later on that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him. Shaking his deflated head, more in sorrow than in anger, the headmaster gravely intones: "You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down."
An american, a russian, and a dane was discussing the differences between their countries. Pretty soon the general talking turned into general bragging about how terrific their respective countries where. The Russian said, "Our navy is so big, that if we all sailed out at once, it would cover every ocean in the world." The American, not wanting to let the Russian get the better of him, continued, "Well, our Air Force is so big that if all of our planes took off at once we could cover the sky all over the world." The Dane thought for a while then said: "I once new a guy in Odense whose dick was so long that 17 parrots could sit on it at once." They stood for a while not saying anything, until the Russian decided he might modify his bold statement a bit, "Well maybe the ships wouldn't cover ALL of the ocean." The American, feeling the need for honesty as well said, "Well, maybe the planes wouldn't cover all of the sky.
A policeman was sitting on the hard shoulder watching the traffic go by when a car zoomed past him doing at least 120 mph! The policeman chased him down, and pulled the car over. He went up to the car and asked, "Do you know that you were doing at least 50 mph over the speed limit?" The driver replied, "Was I officer, I'm terribly sorry but I wasn't aware of that." The policeman said, "May I see your drivers license please?" The man replied, "I don't have one officer." "Of course you do," said the policeman. "No sir, I don't," said the man. "So why do you have this car?" asked the policeman. "This is not my car, I stole it," said the man. "You are driving a stolen car?" said the policeman. "Yes I'm afraid so sir," Looking puzzled the policeman said, "Let me see the registration, so we can find out who it belongs to." The man said, "There is nothing in the glove compartment except some candy, oh, and my gun." "Your gun!" exclaimed the officer, clearly worried by this point, as this man was obviously a lunatic. "So you don't have a drivers license, you stole this car, and there is a gun in the glove compartment!" "Yes sir," said the man, "Oh and a body in the trunk." "Jesus!" said the policeman turning white, "Ok so you have no drivers license, you have stolen this car, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk?" "Yes," said the man, sounding slightly irritated. "Look," said the policeman, "You wait right here and don't touch anything! Don't move, don't even breathe." So the policeman ran to his car and radioed the station, "I want to speak to the chief," said the policeman, "And quick!" He waited about a minute and the chief came on the line, "What is it," he said. "I've got a man here, he is a complete lunatic he has very calmly stated that he is driving a stolen car, he has no drivers license, there is a gun in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk," said the policeman. "I'll be right there," said the chief. In ten minutes the man and the car were surrounded. There was the chief of police, a swat team, everybody you could imagine. The chief walks slowly to the car in his bulletproof vest and says to the driver, "Hello sir, ehm may I see your drivers license?" "Of course," said the man, and produced it from his back pocket. Looking puzzled, the chief asked, "Is this your car?" "Yes," said the man. "Can I see your registration please sir?" asked the chief. The man leaned over to open the glove compartment. "Please don't open it sir!" said the chief. "Why?" asked the man, "I thought you wanted my registration." "I do," said the chief, "But there is a gun in there." "Don't be silly," said the man, and he opened the glove compartment, empty apart from some candy. "Let me get this right," said the chief, "You have a drivers license, this is your car and there is no gun in the glove compartment." "Yes," said the man, "And there is no body in the trunk, I suppose," said the chief. "BODY!" exclaimed the man, "Why on earth would I have a body in my trunk?" "Sir I apologize for this, but my officer told me that you had no drivers licence, you had stolen this car, you were in possession of a gun, and a body in the trunk." "The lying fool, said the man, "I bet he said I was speeding as well!"
