I see it in black and white terms.
If you couldn't hear the crowd cheering from your back garden, then you have no business supporting that team.
I lived and grew up approximately a mile from White Hart Lane, and used to kick the ball against our back wall, imagining I was scoring the winning goal, most Saturdays (if I wasn't taken to the match by my uncle).
I realise that I have probably condemned most of you to being little more than plastics, but what can I say?
Sorry?
Of course, I now live miles and miles away from N.17, but that doesn't matter. It matters where you lived when you first began supporting your team.
Note to all Southerners: there is absolutely no excuse for any of you who claim to support either United or 'Pool. You are glory-hunting plastics, and it serves you right that those two teams are now ****e.
Please respect my opinions, and resist any temptation to wum me.
Thanks.