Happy 20th birthday to the beautiful bastard that is OK Computer by Radiohead. EDIT: Also, Ladies and Gentlemen we are Floating in Space by Spiritualized is also 20.
Benidorm anyone? Henry Cooper ..... I cant really moan about the hotel itself apart from the all inclusive food and drink being a bit **** and being greeted by the British anti terror squad at reception on day 1 handing out leaflets on how to be Visual against terrorists was a little bit of a letdown please log in to view this image ..this lead to every time we heard a door slam or a child scream we took off like ****ing lunatics waiting for the screams of Allah ****ing Akbar .. The hotel was clean, tidy with modern air conditioned rooms and I also got to shout (MARLENE) at Boycie from only fools and horses and got to appear in the TV show (Benidorm) whilst swimming in one of the massive pools the hotel had to offer.. Now onto Benidorm itself....... I like to just start by saying this place is not for the faint hearted by any means...I left England with 14 of the most prolific drinking animals know to mankind and this is how it panned out .. We all had good intentions to pace ourselves and go easy as we knew we was in for a long rough ride but that was easier said than done !.. it came apparent immediately that you couldn't even hang your head out your hotel window without some **** giving you a flyer, offering you pills, coke and Mandy , before throwing two shots of poison down your throat and head locking you off into a bar where they sold two for ones ... The neon metropolis that greets you as you exit the hotel lobby lures you instantly towards it against your will like moths to the moon please log in to view this image ... As you step foot on the main strip it's as if someone has laced you with LSD and dropped you into a Stanley Kubrick movie please log in to view this image .. As far as you can see in every direction there's flashing strobe and neon lights accompanied by massive bass lines pumping from the clubs and spewing onto the pavements ,the streets are packed to capacity with thieves, sluts, beggars, drug dealers, whores and people out there ****ing trees dressed in fancy-dress .. At one point in the night I witnessed Mario fighting He-Man whilst 4 smurfs and 2 life size strawberries cheered them on and a giant inflatable cock tried to split them up and with a 70+ year old woman dancing around them with a vest on that said ( WHAM BAM **** ME IM PAM ).!!!.. quite surreal to say the least .... The alleyways and doorways were littered with young Brits laid in there own sick and piss ,either been robbed or raped , not knowing what ****ing planet there on let alone where there hotel is !! As you approach the epicentre of satans paradise (the square) this is where things really start to heat up , prostitutes whispering how they want to suck your cock, pickpockets with there hands in your pockets, beggars hanging off your leg , bouncers smashing the absolute **** out of people for spitting there chewing gum out and married women on hen do's get ****ed in public by illegal immigrants... The clubs in the square are where I could usually expect to find at least one of my friends dancing in a hypnotic trancelike state, sliding in there own body weight of sweat off there ****ing swedes ... The walk home from a night out was also entertaining, the thieves and whores wait in the shadows like wolfs, waiting for lone stragglers who's broken from the pack, like a vulnerable injured bison that they can take and rape everything the poor ****ers owned including bodily organs... A good tip is to fill your pockets with pebbles before leaving for a night out so you can spank the scum from distance before they get close enough to put there diseased ridden hands on you .. another useful tip I found helpful was to use the hundreds of lost people posters plastered on the lampposts as landmarks to help find your way home when lost ... If you care to venture to the beach then early morning is best but I must warn you that from about 10am onwards you will feel as if you are in a 1970s Ron Jeremy porno .. Hundreds of German and Scandinavian middle aged men sporting mustaches will surround you and proceed to rub oil into there topless wife's huge breasts whilst pitching a tent please log in to view this image ⛺️ in there tiny speedos for hours on end !... If you decide to stay on the beach long enough, after about 2pm you will witness the daily precession...herds of unfaithful hen do's will march down to the beach and submerge themselves waist deep into the beautiful Mediterranean Sea please log in to view this image and scrub out there tuna boxes , cleaning out all the spunk and bodily fluids they had consumed from the night before !!.... If you fancy a bit of culture and some traditional Spanish architecture then the old town is a must but keep in mind this area is the gay district and after about 11pm you are likely to witness man on man oral sex all over the beach !!... again the pockets full of pebbles will come in very handy .... To sum up my highlights of my stay is very difficult as it's toss up between the night I witnessed the bride please log in to view this image to be bent right over a table in a miniskirt puffing on a sheesh pipe whilst a dirty Moroccan immigrant sucked on her **** and about a thousand people along with the rest of her hen party cheered her on !!!!!! Or the night we had a full on stone fight outside our hotel with the diseased ridden African ally cat prostitutes .. But if I had to pick one moment that stood out from the rest and that will stay with me for life it would have to be the night i was sat on the beach ... As I sat on the beautiful golden sands gazing at Benidorms high-rise skyline as the sun set behind the majestic mountainous backdrop and all at once he appeared.. the devil himself bossing a pair of aviators stepped out slowly from behind the mountain and begun to dance slowly above the neon euphoria he had created below him ..As he swayed side to side with he's arms wide apart he whispered gently " Dance my babies Dance " as he sprinkled from one hand class A narcotics and sex and alcohol from the other down on the once law abiding, faithful citizens below ..after a few moments the souls of the once beautiful good people floated gently up to him and within a blink of an eye the devil took a deep breath, held one finger on one nostril and snorted the whole lot up !!!...... I'm giving Benidorm as a whole 4 stars for my tripadvisor rating and thinking of taking the wife and kids back there next month please log in to view this image NOT ..!!!
Haven't been to Benidorm since 1979 but that sounds to be pretty much as I remember it. I still bear the scars. A deep cut in my shin caused by falling between floors in a new-build apartment block, in pitch darkness, no barriers, warning signs or nothing. Admittedly I was incredibly pissed and trespassing but that's no excuse for the buggers to try to kill me. Also, remains the only time that I've ever had a police officer pull a gun on me. Refusal to stop on a hired pedal powered quad bike. We tried to stop but it was going downhill and it had no brakes.
I thought the Benidorm authorities were trying to bring the place a bit more upmarket? Oh, don't tell me, they did.
It's the trigger happy Spaniards Chazz. I've got up to all sorts of shenanigans, the world over, but no local constabularies have felt the need to unsheath their weapons and point them in my direction except the descendents of Franco.
MANY moons ago I went to Magaluf with a group of workmates, a lads 5 day break, some of the more boisterous element attracted the ire and complaints of a large German contingent - after lots of tutting, grumbling, finger pointing and general complaining things came to a head when one of our number jumped from a second floor balcony into the pool and 'bombed' (see what I did there) a queue of Germans stood waiting to be first in for dinner. The local constabulary were called, they proceeded to take our mate up to his room to fine him every penny he had on him and then rolled him up in his mattress and thrashed **** out of him with long truncheons. Anyone going near the door of his room was shooed away at the point of a gun. They weren't messing, the only scarier coppers I've come across are the Turks.
Yep. Which is why the stuff in bens post is made up as the coppers are out and about and no one ****s with them. The prozzys are discreet, the kids offering cocaine are too. Ye it goes on but so does bloody thousands of oaps sat in the bars having a great time. No it's not highbrow culture. But so what
Ok help me out here Spes. Surely rolling him up in his mattress would protect him from the truncheon blows? Unless it was like one of them green mat things the pongos called a bed, even then, it would afford some protection.
As I understand it, with the mattress you get all the pain but no bruising, no bruising means it didn't happen: the lad involved was no wimp and he reckoned it was agony.
The latter is miles ****ing better, one of the best albums ever made. I got the limited edition pillbox edition the day it came out. FACT.
I remember that. It was going for a decent amount around the time too. I didn't have the limited one, but it even felt wrong 'popping' the CD. 20 years ago - ****ing hell.
Poetry. One of the biggest lies perpetuated in life is that men on stag-dos or lads weekends away are scumbag cheats for what they do while their faithfuls are waiting at home. The women are every bit as ****ing bad. FACT.
We'll have to agree to disagree on the first six words of your post, but the rest... Both belting albums.
It might be my favourite album of all time, up there with Strangeways Here We Come. That first play when I got it home literally left me open mouthed and it was made even better knowing it was all about his break-up with Kate Radley.
Strangeways is class - haven't listened to it for years. Hair brushed and parted, typical me typical me typical me...
