Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

[Fez]

A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Nice one, Stan. The murder was irrelevant then!

 

[John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.]

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This is when pitches were pitches.

 

[BlackAndAmberGambler]

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This is when pitches were pitches.

Had to flood the pitch to bring the subs on ...apparently.

 

[look_back_in_amber]

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This is when pitches were pitches.

Modern day pro's must have modelled their dying swan performances on that bloke.

 

[TIGERSCAVE]

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This is when pitches were pitches.

As usual, the referee miles behind the action....

 

[Dr.Stanley O'Google, HCFC]

It's Sgt. Pepper's 50th Anniversary

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[spesupersydera]

It's Sgt. Pepper's 50th Anniversary

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I remember it well - due to cymbals, tambourines, glockenthingies and other such bollocks, music lessons were generally ****e, however - the day it was released our ''hipster'' music teacher went out at lunch and bought the album ...... we spent the full hour listening to it instead of abusing assorted percussion instruments.

 

[originallambrettaman]

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[Kempton]

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[John Ex Aberdeen now E.R.]

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What was the keeper thinking?

 

[Happy Tiger]

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What was the keeper thinking?

Oh

My

God

 

[ElTigre]

It's Sgt. Pepper's 50th Anniversary

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At last a nice round figure number big pop anniversary and you stole Quill's thunder. Swine.

 

[Sir Cheshire Ben]

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What was the keeper thinking?

Cockwomble

 

[ElTigre]

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What was the keeper thinking?

If the ball hadn't crossed the line I think the goalkeeper committed an infringement by releasing the ball and then picking it up. An indirect free kick almost on the goal line would have then been the result.

 

[originallambrettaman]

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[Quill]

At last a nice round figure number big pop anniversary and you stole Quill's thunder. Swine.

Don't know where Stan's got that from, Sgt. Pepper's was released on 1st June 1967.

The recording of the album didn't finish until April.

 

[Barchullona]

Don't know where Stan's got that from, Sgt. Pepper's was released on 1st June 1967.

The recording of the album didn't finish until April.

Pedantic sod.

 

[Barchullona]

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Some decent, well paid jobs at Aldi for bright people willing to put the work in. Which rules out a lot of our school leavers of course.

 

[Quill]

Pedantic sod.

Pot, kettle, black.

 

[bum_chinned_crab]

Pot, kettle, black.

I really do feel that pedantic is one of the most misused words in the English language.