He underwent plastic surgery to look like Cabaye.
He then kidnapped the frenchman and hid him in his private room at The Tugboat. A well known gay club near Kings Cross.
He donned Cabayes shirt but all this effort was to no avail. But as much as a giant sea slug he is Pardew can sometimes tell if a person can play football and was not fooled by the prancing Wickham and he told him to **** off and return the proper french ****ter to the training ground.
Wixkham is now rumoured to be watching Emile Heskey for footballing tips.