Why do we get so upset?

[Channon walked on H2O]

Morning everyone. Lovely day here, hope the same for you.

I was watching a favourite music DVD last night, "The Making of LA Woman". I've always loved The Doors, and I've seen the film dozens of times, but there I was last night finding myself getting all dewy eyed not for the waste of America's greatest poet (spot the hype) but instead for the loss of Ray Manzarek.

It got me to thinking. When big Ron (football link - clever huh?) died this year I was equally choked. A hero from the old days, the man was a mountain, for God's sake, how dare he snuff it? The passing of the two greatest players I was ever lucky enough to see, Bobby Moore and George Best, had a similar effect. It's odd, I thought, that some can go and you'll say that it's sad or that was no age - Peter Osgood; Alan Ball;Bobby Stokes - but it doesn't seem to effect your equilibrium in quite the same way.

So what is it? Did they need to have been around at a particular time in your life? Did they need to be beyond famous and nearer iconic?

Or does every reader now think I am barking mad, and no-one else out there gets choked at the passing of a mere footballer who is not a real presence in their life?

 

[lamby]

Morning Channon! Hope it's warmer where you are. It's blooming freezing in London. I must admit I'm getting more affected by high profiler deaths as I get older. Now in my early 50's and the passsing of greats like Ron affect me far more now than the players you mention earlier.

 

[fran-MLs little camera]

I agree...you get more upset about the death of people important during your growing up because you identify with them. A sign of your own mortality. I go as far as to say that we don't like the sign of them ageing....heroes of our youths always remain young in our hearts (as are we). The same thing happens when you have children...the death or illness of an unknown child is always tragic, but it doesn't affect you as much as when you have children of your own. Your empathy for the parent increases greatly, because you can imagine the feeling. I would suggest part of the sadness for Ron is that his life had also become hard and he died far from home (though I'm sure he loved America or he wouldn't have stayed).

 

[Channonfodder]

Spot on Fran. Absolutely right.

 

[fatletiss]

I think there are a few things involved:

- how much that person touched you in your life. This could be physical, if you met them or knew them (I was very emotional at the game when we raised the image of Ballie; I worked for him for a year) or they had played a big part in your life, i.e., a hero or star player from your supporting days.

- your emotional personality. Deep down I'm a bit if a girl's blouse (*coughs deeply*) and so am likely to be more openly emotional in a situation that could invoke emotion. That works for happy, sad and mad emotions equally.

- where you are in your life. Behaviour is a result of personality and environment. What's happening around you day to day is likely to effect your emotional reaction (behaviour) towards events like deaths at the time they happen.

- how you can relate to the event or person. For example, I'm a father of an eleven and ten year old. I react worse to bad news stories about young children than other bad stories. I read "The Road" when my son was 5 or 6, the same age as the boy in the book; I was in bits. I lost my mother to cancer three years ago and if cancer is involved my mind automatically thinks of her.

One thing is for sure, the brain is an amazing thing. Understanding how some of it works is good; analysing it too much might be bad.

 

[fran-MLs little camera]

You have to be careful not to get over involved in news or programmes as your brain has difficulty telling reality from mere thoughts. Sometimes actors have breakdowns after doing distressing scenes over a prolonged period...their brains decide they are bereaved or undergoing trauma.

 

[Beddy]

I agree...you get more upset about the death of people important during your growing up because you identify with them. A sign of your own mortality. I go as far as to say that we don't like the sign of them ageing....heroes of our youths always remain young in our hearts (as are we). The same thing happens when you have children...the death or illness of an unknown child is always tragic, but it doesn't affect you as much as when you have children of your own. Your empathy for the parent increases greatly, because you can imagine the feeling. I would suggest part of the sadness for Ron is that his life had also become hard and he died far from home (though I'm sure he loved America or he wouldn't have stayed).

!00% spot on Fran......when someone passes especially around your own age.....I often think ...There but for the grace of god go I..........

 

[St. Luigi Scrosoppi]

Far too many of my family and friends have gone and it can be very upsetting. One or two people's deaths affected me deeply and that was all about closeness. What I have found is that as well as being upset when one of my contemporaries dies as well as feeling a great sadness I get quite depressed about my own mortality. Silly thoughts pass through your mind such as a couple of years ago I wondered if I would still be around when Saints get back to the PL. I don't fear being ill and dying which is inevitable but like everyone it is that moment of death that terrifies.

I have been watching the D Day commemoration programmes and that had me close to tears with so many young men dying and like Fatletiss cruelty to children I can not tolerate. As an adult it is my responsibility to help and protect them. I cannot stand seeing or hearing a child cry and I hate it when people shout and curse at them something we see and hear to often these days. Childhood should be a period of great happiness.

 

[Archers Road]

I cann't really get upset when someone who has led a long and fulfilling life dies. When that person was close to you, you feel the loss of course, but then you're sorry for yourself, not them. When people die young, that's a completely different matter. That feels like robbery.

 

[Big_Si]

I completely agree about how your feelings change when you have children. My son is 19 months old and ever since his birth stories about childrens deaths really hit hard and the mind thinks "what if it was.." My son was only a couple of weeks old when Billy Sharp tragically lost his son, that still plays on my mind now and I thank my lucky stars.

Even this morning there is a story on the BBC about a British women being killed in a car crash in Russia, in the other car a 31 year old man and a baby died. Similar ages to me and although tragic for the lady my thoughts are more with the father and son.

If you can relate to sometihng in your own life it makes it a lot more real.

 

[rabbitspectrum]

The fear of loneliness is what devastates you most imo. I never saw Ron play but could relate to what he said about how much he loved playing for southampton and hearing the crowd chant his name but if i'm honest his passing had not much other emotional impact other than sympathy.

At school we translated a latin poets life for a few years and despite him living 2000 years ago pretty much everyone was shocked to translate his death as we didn't think he would ever go .

Edit: forgot to point out that watching that interview of him from the Ron Davies charity was very sad.

 

[randomsamno9]

I did a lot of reading into Buddhism a few years ago, and although I don't class myself as a Buddhist, I certainly understand their views on empathy, which comes naturally to me. Despite this however I rarely ever cry, to this day the only film to make me genuinely cry is The Land Before Time, only a kids film but it really is relentless. In a weird sort of way Southampton FC are my religion, I don't literally believe that but I treat it like one more than anything else, so I always show respect when a golden oldie dies, even if I never saw them play. The Liebherr death was a particularly significant one for me, because he took us all out of our lowest point as fans, we all looked at that situation and said we couldn't support another club, but we knew we might not have one very soon, then he came out of nowhere like some sort of guardian angel, so in that sense I guess we were all emotionally linked to his death.

 

[Joe!]

I did a lot of reading into Buddhism a few years ago, and although I don't class myself as a Buddhist, I certainly understand their views on empathy, which comes naturally to me. Despite this however I rarely ever cry, to this day the only film to make me genuinely cry is The Land Before Time, only a kids film but it really is relentless. In a weird sort of way Southampton FC are my religion, I don't literally believe that but I treat it like one more than anything else, so I always show respect when a golden oldie dies, even if I never saw them play. The Liebherr death was a particularly significant one for me, because he took us all out of our lowest point as fans, we all looked at that situation and said we couldn't support another club, but we knew we might not have one very soon, then he came out of nowhere like some sort of guardian angel, so in that sense I guess we were all emotionally linked to his death.

Want me to make Land Before Time even sadder? The little girl who did the voice of Ducky was killed by her father at the age of 10.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judith_Barsi

Try watching it now.