What would they be?

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Paul Jewell would be a porn star - Oh wait a minute!
Alan Pardew would be the "before" in the just for men adverts
Sam Allardyce would be a champion gurner and Les Dawson tribute act
Tony Pulis would be a miserable bastard - Oh wait a minute!
Paul Lambert would be a French language teacher


Surely, given the tache, the only gay porn star could be John Wark, imagine what that moustache has seen
 
Arsehole Wenger would be a Rep for Specsavers

Paul Jewell a Rep for Ann Summers

Steve McClaren would be a Dutch interpreter