****ing spot on post mate and wow you have been through more than I have mate and your still smiling and seem strong. I can relate on an epic level. First congrats on getting married and also congrats on being pregnant. Can I put on record that this next period of your life is something worth living for. It’s amazing. My problems have been for decades in terms of my happiness. My wife always asks what my happy meter is and if it goes over a 5 then it’s a moment of celebration. Gambling and drink has always been a massive problems for members of my family. Drink is an issue for me. Gambling not so much so. Well when I say that. I can do more than the normal person but it doesn’t affect me mentally. I think. In all honesty I can’t nail on why I’m feeling so bad. Reading a lot of people’s posts I see some form of traumatic event which I can see why it would ping them into some form of depression. I don’t have an event. Just a long life of wants and needs that have never transpired into what I wanted.
Don’t set yourself anything mad...it has to be realistic, 3 gym sessions a week, wine just at weekend, two hills a month etc. Take the kids with you up smaller hills even if you have to bribe them, but if you can keep to it hopefully momentum will build. Do it for you and your loved ones though , not us! You find good things at the top of hills....!
Mind, things could be a lot worse, lads....imagine if we followed that lot down the road!? Just kidding! On a serious note, I've got so much respect for anyone that gets up, goes to work, goes back home, day in, day out. It takes a little mental toughness to do that (even though many people don't realise it).
those sats are worrying mate. Under 95 and the advice is to speak to the GP. Have you done that? If not please promise me you will. No point taking risks.
I tell you what, lads, the gambling industry in this country has a lot to answer for. I come from a position of having never put a bet on, so it isn't sour grapes at losing money, but there are a load of people who have been sucked in to losing a lot of money due to what is an addiction.
Thanks for posting this thread GG. It might not feel like it but that took a lot of guts and is something you should be proud of. There are lots of things we can do when we feel desperate, but taking the step to reach out is a brave one and shows that you want things to improve. That might sound obvious, but I have been through mental health issues and it was only in hindsight that I realised I had spent the first ten years or so of those not wanting things to improve. I was comfortable with my depression and anxiety, almost like a comfort blanket. I certainly never had the courage to open up on here about any of it at the time, even though some of the worst bouts of it were just a few years ago when I was most active on here. Lots of people have already given you a lot of good advice. I would suggest taking time to read through that advice - not only now, as you have obviously done, but also in future days and weeks when it isn't as fresh in your head and when you may be finding things tough. There's a fair chance of this turning into one of my long rambling posts that I used to be infamous for, so I apologise in advance for that. I think it's important for anyone feeling down, depressed or anxious to know that it's ok that you can't explain to people how you feel. It's already shown on here that lots of the posters can relate to what you are going through and how you feel. We can relate to them and understand the pain of mental health issues, but we can't understand your pain because that is yours and unique to you. And that's ok. Even those closest to you will not be able to fully understand it and that's ok too. You won't even ever fully understand it yourself, so don't feel bad about not being able to explain it to anyone properly. Nobody going through these difficulties ever can. That doesn't mean that those around you, or even strangers who offer help, can't support you and help you through this though. All of the advice I've seen offered to you on here is good advice. It is only advice though. Don't feel frustrated if any particular advice doesn't work for you. Just as your pain is unique to you, so the solution will be too. You are the one who will discover which solutions work for you. Sometimes it takes something bad happening to give us that wake up call telling us we need help. It sounds like for you that might have been last night. For me it was finding myself sitting on a bridge over the A19 a few years ago seriously wondering if jumping would be the best option. Luckily for me something in my head told me to go home and get help. I went home and first thing in the morning phoned my doctor. For years I had wished I could die. I didn't want to commit suicide and knew that was how it would sound if I ever told anyone - so I didn't tell anyone. All I wanted was for something to happen to me that meant I didn't wake up in the morning. Again, it's hard to explain to others but I know what I mean. It scared me into doing something when my mind moved to the next level. I never fully opened up to anyone about how I felt, but there were people close to me who knew some of it. Those people loved me and wanted to help. A lot of the time they made it worse. It wasn't their fault, it was just how it was. They would encourage me to cheer up or go out and do something. Sometimes they tried to tell me to get a grip and encourage me to sort out my problems. It hurt them that I wasn't ok and they wanted to fix things for me. I didn't start to get better until I realised it was ok that I was ****ed up. Instead of beating myself up about how bad I felt, I accepted that I felt bad and accepted that that was who I was at that moment in time. That doesn't mean that is the answer for you, but it was a starting point for me. Instead of getting frustrated that none of the things other people suggested or did to try and help me actually did help me, I just stopped fighting it and accepted that I was someone with mental health problems and that that was ok. It gave me a starting point to then start finding ways I could be less unhappy while still having mental health problems. At that time I wasn't even aiming for happiness - just less unhappiness. Baby steps. When I went to the doctor he diagnosed me as having Generalised Anxiety Disorder, as well as Social Anxiety. I had always tried to cure the unhappiness in my life, but the unhappiness was only a symptom and not the disease that needed treating. I know some people take the piss out of all these new labels, but for me having a name to give it helped. It helped me make sense of a lot of my behaviours that didn't make sense to me. Looking back, my anxiety was debilitating. It showed itself in such stupid ways that I never thought it could be connected to mental health issues. I would set myself a goal of doing something and if I didn't achieve it by the time I had planned then it got so big in my head that it took over. It used to get so big that just thinking about doing it after that got me in such a panic because I was already a failure for not achieving it by the time I had set. I would then run away from doing it completely and nothing in my life was getting done (it wasn't just the prediction league updates ). At other times I would panic about something I had said to someone and wonder if I had offended them. It would just take over my head and I couldn't focus on anything else. Other times still it would be some stupid thing that wasn't right about my life. It was never the big stuff in reality, though it felt massive at the time. I was a **** up! I think it was DPP who suggested Talking Therapies and I would highly recommend asking your doc to put you in touch with them. You might even be able to do it direct, but it was my doc who put me in touch with them. They didn't actually come up with the solution for me, but talking to them helped me get into a place where I stumbled on it myself. I found meditating very helpful. Not the weird Zen hippy stuff - just setting aside time everyday to be quiet and let my mind go wherever it wanted and feeling ok with wherever it took me. It's hard to explain, but it kind of helped me get comfortable with myself and my mind again. My mind had been racing for so long that it was nice to force myself to sit and give it a chance to slow down. That was my answer. Doesn't mean it would be anyone else's. I still have anxiety. I still have days where the anxious thoughts pop up. I think I have always had it and that I always will have it. However, I can honestly say I haven't had a day where it took over in the last two years or so. My anxiety has almost become like an annoying friend. I recognise it now when it appears and I know what to expect from it. I don't feel bad about myself when it appears. I accept that it is part of me and I just talk to it. I don't tell it to go away. Sometimes I even laugh at it's stupid attempts to ruin my day, but mostly I accept that anxiety is just a friend trying to protect me from getting hurt - but doing it in a way that is no better or more effective than how my other friends used to try and help me. Keep talking GG. Keep reading. And most of all keep being you, because it's ok to be you!
Mate it’s all relative and I am pleased you have posted. Not just personally although I know i created this post but more because by sharing our feelings sometimes it can help each and everyone of us. Some massive posts have been made for me that’s inspired me. Not least because a forum member is also my brother who maybe wasn’t prepared for my feelings on here. So it goes to show. Sometimes we need to speak out. And that’s ok. I appreciate everyone’s comments on this post (all other posts your allowed to say what you think about me) but it’s actually refreshing in our macho football world to see so much support. Ive already made changes. Small. I’ve spoken to my brother. I’ve spoken to my wife.
****ing epic post mate. I read every inch and i can relate to all of it. It’s like reading an assessment of myself. I never really have to the time to slow down and accept what’s happening at that moment. It’s like you jumped in my head and said everything I am thinking. I’ve never had that point where I think that’s it. I mean last night at midnight I went outside in the freezing cold in my nightwear and sat with the rabbits and started talking to them (ok that sounds ****ed up but i did) but I guess that was just for some form of clarity. The thing is how do you accept what’s wrong when you don’t know what is the problem. What’s driving me to be sad has been here for years I’ve just always had that “kick” to pull me back. But as I’ve got older them kicks are gone. The days of pulling that’s sexy chick. The feeling of pure excitement out of something new. That first day when your child is born. Or second. The wedding day that seems like ages ago. What now. What keeps you balanced when the constant kick of life just makes you feel crap. Some people are happy by nature. Some are sad but find the simplest of things motivating. Me I need a sledgehammer when I least expect it.
You've got to find new challenges, mate, to keep you going. Mine is doing 5km on the treadmill in under 20 minutes. I'm 36 seconds off it, I'm fecking buzzing. Mid 50s, and I am blessed. Find something that gives you as much pleasure and you will feel a lot better about yourself. Positive thoughts not negative!
Never touched it myself, ever. With absolutely no desire too either, it just seems a horrific waste of time and money.
A lot of what you have posted makes me think you are very similar to me - but a more sensible version. I always wanted more. I always wanted an upgrade on what I had. When I got what I wanted it stopped being what I wanted because there was always another upgrade out there that I didn't have. Whether that was my job, my partner or possessions there was always something bigger and brighter to aim for. It became a challenge to see if I had what it takes to get it. It's a thrilling way to live. It's also an unsatisfying way to live because it doesn't matter how much we have we will never have it all. I think a lot of it comes from living in a world that keeps teaching us that we need more and that we need better. Whether that is adverts, or movies or just the way the people we interact with love to show off their latest achievement in some sort of self-affirming way. We see what others have and what is available and we want it. The thing is they are all fiction. Adverts tell us the selling points but not the drawbacks. Movies show us a fantasy that nobody actually lives. People we meet show us what they want us to see but hide the bits they are ashamed of. Even our friends keep their failings hidden. Sometimes friends are the worst because they are the ones who want us to be most proud of what they have achieved. Even the pursuit of happiness is a con. Actually that's not fair. The pursuit of happiness is a good thing. However, the way it is portrayed is a con. Happiness is an emotion rather than a way of being. However, it is often portrayed as a way of being, especially in entertainment. We think we see people living happily ever after in movies but we don't. We see a snapshot and add that little adage ourselves because that is how stories always ended when we were kids. We don't get to see the hero and his beautiful wife grow old and fat. They remain that moment in time forever in our heads. If we're all honest with each other, happiness is momentary in the same way unhappiness is. They are passing emotions. What we live with is either contentment or discontentment. We get confused between the emotions of happiness and pleasure. Pleasure comes from getting those new things we yearn for. Whether it is possessions, promotions, money or getting to shag that fit girl you have just noticed, what we experience is pleasure not happiness. Happiness comes from experiences. whether shared experiences with those we love or doing something that fulfils who we really are deep inside. I think comparing happiness with contentment is a bit like comparing being in love with loving someone. One is fleeting while the other lasts. The fleeting moments give us the biggest highs but also disappear quickly. I think the secret is to start focussing on 'what is contentment' rather than 'what is happiness'.
I can’t decide what the difference is. Happiness for me is a state of mind. An acceptance of where you are and an agreement to it. Being contempt is a snapshot in time. That what you have at that moment is ok but not the end game. You hear the phrase linked. Happiness and contentment. It’s to separate things. You need one and the other. So for example I was content with my life but it wasn’t what I wanted. It wasn’t what will Make me happy. Content is a state of mind which accepts something which you don’t ultimately want.
Yes you are right about their meanings. I worded it badly. It was how I worded it to myself when I was processing what I went through. I would have been better sticking with comparing pleasure and happiness. I can only speak for myself, but that constant need for wanting more was based on wanting that high. But the high never lasted. Some people have a filter that lets them see the bigger picture. I never had that when I was younger. I always chased what was right in front of me rather than taking time to appreciate what I had.
I guess the question is did you ever stop chasing and accept what you had? That’s where I am. I’ve never really been happy with anything I’ve had. I just want that next big thing! I’ve taken up far to much of all your time and honestly have lots of inspiration from things. I cannot deny I’m overwhelmed with this though. Your all ****in amazing.
Good on you for posting this GG. Just wanted to post to show my support. I can't claim to have had a difficult life story myself so far but I have definitely felt as I get a bit older a greater sense of anxiety that I find i actively have to try and keep a lid on. My mind is busy, busy, busy with work / family pressures and I can relate with the feeling of 'wanting more' but never being able to settle on what that is. I've been pinned to the desk in my back bedroom for big parts of lockdown and have found that very difficult. The last couple of months I've made sure I get out running on a regular basis. This makes a massive difference to my level of happiness for me. In fact I've made sure I've looked after myself better in general. I thinks someone else mentioned trying new challenges. Fully recommend this, could be anything. I've started making bread and right now that makes me super happy.
Yes and no. A very simplified version of what happened is that I stopped chasing the next big thing and took time to think about why the things I was chasing never seemed to make me happy. I then (through quite a long process) started to think about what would make me happy and started doing those things. The weird thing is that even though I wasn't chasing anything, I started to acquire more of what I really wanted without even really trying. It turns out that those qualities of always wanting to do better were still part of who I am. I am now doing a job I would never have chosen for myself in a million years and I ****ing love it. In the process of just enjoying what I do I have been promoted four times in two years, but because I wasn't even trying to get promoted there is none of the stress that I used to feel in previous jobs, and yet more challenges that give me a buzz than I ever had when I was chasing them. And all this doing something that would never have appealed to me if I had just been offered it a few years ago. I'm not saying life is perfect. It is far from it. But I am genuinely happier.
I hear you. I have suffered mental health problems off and on since I was a teenager. I suffer from anxiety and it can get seriously bad if the appropriate trigger comes along. It doesn't very often anymore as I have built comfort zones over time, but I am currently having an episode. The trigger? A promotion at work. I stupidly applied for it not expecting to get it, except that I did. Why did I apply? Because I felt like I was expected to. My manager kept asking me if I had applied. Now I am just dreading it. My stress levels are through the roof. I don't want to do it. I'm feeling down and completely stupid. I haven't slept in days. I feel like I am letting everyone down. I am dreading work today. Anxiety is a horrible horrible condition. I think I was 14 when I had my first episode. That constant feeling of being terrified and of having no control. The catastrophising. Out of control thoughts 24/7. Lack of sleep. Lack of appetite. Not wanting to get out of bed. Shutting yourself away. It's back. I haven't seen my parents in two months, or anyone else but my partner. She knows how I feel.
