That sounds like anxiety, mate. When you climb Skiddaw tell yourself there is nothing wrong with your heart and lungs, that might ease the palpitations. You have classic anxiety symptoms. Just knowing that will help you deal with them when they manifest themselves.
Free up time three or four times a week for YOU. I've played 200 games of golf in the past two years. Its changed my life.
Definitely. It sounds like you are in a "rut" - working 60-70 hours a week, going to work in the dark, coming home in the dark, sole provider to the household and with a conscience that puts others first. Small wonder that you would feel mentally worn out with it all. If I could give you a tip - sometimes, just act dumb when you feel under pressure to do something you feel you don't want to. Let others do it, especially if it's solely for their benefit.
Look honestly everyone who’s posted with your own circumstances and thoughts I appreciate them immensely. I said this to someone who messaged me personally. And I quote “it’s nice that sometimes others have your back when you don’t even have your own” Says more than you think. A problem shared and all that. But honestly I’ve some thinking to do. Thankyou!
Do it, mate, you will see the benefits of it almost immediately. Just coming on here and opening up is a great start. Since that 3 months of depression 18 years ago, I've turned my life around massively (still married, kids, self-employed). I realised sometimes you have to take responsibility, other times you have to take a back seat. Playing golf and running has helped but also, realising that I'm a good a person as everyone else. You can do it.
I’ve always had that vision of myself being something I’m not. Like a superstar and when it all gets to the end you look back and you think yes. I did it. In reality. There’s really only a handful of people in your life that matter and the ones that you hurt are usually the ones that are there when it’s over.
Sorry to barge in, but I feel I could add some value. I suffered with bad mental health issues for a good 6-8 years and from experience I looked to fix it in all the wrong places. Sometimes you just have to know how to think and not what to think. Say if you go for food from the fridge, if you’re having a ****e day usually you’d pick something that tastes good and requires very little effort. In reality it’s a short-term fix and you’re back to square one in a short while albeit with a belly full of ****e snack food. If you choose to pick something healthy instead, you’re going against your instinct and you’re choosing the ‘hard way’ but here’s the good thing, the hard way makes you feel better afterwards, and, crucially, it helps long-term. You have endured a ‘pain’ for the benefit of long term goals. If you apply this across all things in your life and not just the fridge, you find yourself challenging your instincts and it helps to retrain your beliefs. Only when you start to believe differently will you see that it wasn’t things or people that made you miserable, it was choices and comfort. Change what you believe, in small steps and you’ll soon find yourself turning into a much more positive person. Truss.
Marvellous (?) post GG, and I’m sure a lot of people appreciate your openness and honesty. I’ve never really been in a dark place (touch wood I don’t ever go there), and I can’t offer any sound advice, but I can totally understand that talking to folk is a big step forward. Maybe get a health check? If you’re constantly woken up with needing the toilet, could be an enlarged prostate problem that could easily be sorted with tablets. Cutting down on alcohol (I drink too much as well) would help, and a hobby such a golf or walking sounds ideal! Whatever, I hope you get sorted soon, And it’s heartening to read some of the comments on here. And it’s nice to know some of the folk are genuine, and not the arseholes they appear to be on here It doesn’t matter who you are, life’s always got some **** to throw at you. Onwards and upwards! And we’ll done again for sharing.
Thanks for your comment tel. You make some very excellent comments. Once again I smile (wtf is wrong with me) seeing that in even these posts your posts matter. And your right, the easy choice is never the right one. For example even tonight after posting this thread and reading everyone’s comments I still chose to have the glass of wine. I still chose to sit and watch Liverpool get smashed. I chose to eat the half eaten Big Mac in the fridge. But I also chose to tell my wife I love her and that I was sorry for being this fat waster. And things will Improve. I looked in at my daughter singing (she’s bad but it’s cute) and rather than tap her on the head or sing with her. I just watched and then sat down: listening further. Simple things. Different outlook. Do I feel happy atm. Nope. Did I do something different. Yes. Maybe I might just get an extra 10 minutes sleep.
Spot on mate. It’s also refreshing to hear from those who don’t have any similar issues. I just want to wake up happy. Rather than drag myself out of bed for another Groundhog Day. And your right even though we all rinse each other daily for our thoughts it’s refreshing to see when it comes down to it we just are really being friendly. Thanks for the words. Means a lot.
Firstly, Well done for this thread GG, the spirit and support being offered is making me a little red eyed. Do speak with your GP. The heart palpitations thing struck a chord with me - 2013, business tanked and nearly lost everything and started to have heart palps that I ignored. 2016 - new business stress, new kiddie, too much vino, no sleep...still getting the palps - massive stroke! I was lucky though (wonky smile and occasionally loose my words) but by god it could have been worse. Anyhoo...turned out back in 2013 I had developed long term heart arythmia (irregular heart rhythms) so eventually all further stress caused a clot developed in my heart and up to brain. Now on blood thinners and lots of preventative meds (blood pressure, thinners, statins, heart rhythm). BUT - my entire perspective on life changed - from being a dissatisfied ladder climber and always wanting to ‘make the next hill’ or ‘find the next success’ I realised and accepted that it would never stop. Like some of the lads have said - I reduced the booze, started at a gym, talked openly to others about it and came to appreciate where I was and what I already had. Sounds like you are seeing you GP so keep that up and be honest with him/her. It was talking to my friends that helped a lot, the wife was always supportive, but when you hear it from ‘the lads’ who for years I’d felt a little competitive with, it meant a lot. I’m jealous of where you live. I adore the lakes and the hills, sadly, I don’t trust my brain not to do something stupid again when I’m up a hill so my solo fell walking days came to an end - but sounds like you have ready made challenges on your doorstep. Doing all ‘the Wainwright's’ could be one...unless you’ve done em already!
You’re welcome, probably my words won’t be much use to you, but if they hep 0.001%, it’s been worthwhile. One day soon hopefully, the 6.00 alarm will go and it won’t be playing “ I got you babe!”
Watching Liverpool get smashed won’t do any harm bro. That’s how I started though, small decisions, taking time to do things that you’ve put off etc. It snowballs very quickly.
If we weren’t already the best supporters around this thread makes us the best, there is some top blokes on here Mate I can relate to your situation on a lot of levels, 2020 started off as the best year of my life, I was getting married in April, just after getting a pay rise at work, finishing building my house in the summer.....I was lucky as I never had drama in my life and never felt down or stressed, then in February my mother was diagnosed with cancer and only given a year or two, Covid came and it meant we had to put our wedding on hold because we had to cut our numbers in half which we didn’t want to do, i was put under pressure with work and bang out of nowhere in 3 short months my mother was gone, I was with her when she passed which I’m grateful for but similarly it was traumatic to see someone you love so much die unable to take a breath. Things over the next few months began to unravel for me, my house was put on hold due to covid, wedding postponed and I had nothing to look forward to especially with my mother now gone. I eventually got married in September in a low key affair, my wife and I agreed that life was too short and we just decided to go ahead with the wedding, I enjoyed it and had a great time but there was a void in my life and it started to affect me, I started to drink too much when I was drinking(only drink at weekends) and I started to gamble, in November/December things really got bad for me, I wasn’t sleeping, eating too much, not exercising and gambling way too much as in putting bets on in their thousands, then one night in December I found myself having a breakdown in my sitting room at 4am after ****ing away most of our savings on a NBA game, I know **** all about basketball which doesn’t help!! My wife could hear me crying while she was in bed and got up to see if I was ok, and I just told her everything I was feeling. Her reaction made me realise how lucky I was to have her, she was amazing. It was my wake up call, since December I’ve been talking to someone about my gambling and I don’t do it anymore but the 3 big things for me were giving up the drink, il have a glass of wine or a couple of beers on a Saturday night with dinner but no more binging, I’ve got back into a good sleep pattern, exercising a few times a week and started eating well, I’m definitely starting to get my mojo back and I’m much happier. 2021 has started great, finally in my house and now my wife is 14 weeks pregnant. I know it might not be for you but if I could give any advice it would be to quit the booze or find a way to reduce it, get your sleep right, eat well and exercise, it really does help a lot and I can’t stress that enough. Sorry for the long post pal but hopefully knowing there’s plenty of lads on here who are going through or have gone through something similar might help
Wow it sounds like I’m on the path that you have trooden. Hits gone when you hear someone saying what I’m going through and where it ended up but I’m so pleased your here to give some advice. The reality for me is I kind of blame everything else on other things and I self justify why I do what I do. I take a swig of my red wine saying ok this is the last bottle but my heart rates over 90 and I’m sitting down. My heart rate is irregular (my Apple Watch won’t give me a reading it’s that bad) and my blood oxygen is below 92. I’m an intelligent chap and know these don’t signal good endings but for the last 12 months I’ve done more of the bad stuff and less of the good. Sometimes I wonder if subconsciously I’m hoping something happens, but just enough to shock me and until then I carry on. It’s got to the point that when I laugh or cough I get light headed and something tightens up in my chest. Maybe this forum is my subconscious trying to reach out. I wasn’t expecting anywhere near the response I’ve had or the advise. It actually inspires me to do something with myself just to justify all your comments and points. Like I would let you all down if i did give up.
Hi guys, I just wanted to say thanks to the OP, and everyone who has posted so far. Even in on an online platform its sometimes difficult to be open and honest on our experiences, and how we are feeling. For my part, I got bullied at school for a long time because of my weight, and being so scrawny. It still weighs on my mind today. I don't mean to compare my experiences to yours in the slightest but it feels good to share. It's something I've come to terms with more or less, and mainly due to being able to share this with others.
