I called the coastguard told them I had fallen out of my boat into the ocean. They said "Can you be more Pacific"
A group of chess players checked into a hotel and stood in the lobby as they talked about their tournament victories. Suddenly the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked. "Because I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." Two friends were having a conversation: "So, last night I had Kasparov over for dinner." "Cool! And how was it?" "It was nice and all, but we had to eat a cold meal." "Why is that?" "We had a checkered tablecloth, and it took him one hour just to pass me the salt."
I saw someone waving at me the other day but I wasn’t sure if they were waving at me or someone else so I ignored them. In other news I lost my job as a lifeguard.
Can't believe the amount of people that don't understand erectile dysfunction! I mean, it's not that hard......
Being one of the few Asians in Glasgow, I'm often asked "what's a Hindu?". Why does everyone look puzzled when I reply "lay eggs"?
I went to a ventriloquist’s funeral today, and they sang the hymn “All Things Gright And Geautikal !”
Prince Charles has just arrived in Iran. ...."Where's the Shah?", he asked. "Oh, we got rid of the Shah years ago", said his guide. "Ohh, in that case, one will have a barth.."
Uncle Ben has been rushed into hospital after discovering a lump in one of his testicles. Turns out It was a a boil in the bag
