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What day of the week is it thread

Discussion in 'Wycombe' started by Guywanderer, Mar 15, 2020.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on the front door. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he could supply him with some food. The wealthy man said, “I didn’t become rich by giving stuff away for free but I tell you what – if you go out the back and paint my porch, in return you will receive a fine meal.”
    After about twenty minutes, the tramp returns and knocks at the front door and the owner says, “Wow! Finished already. That was quick. Take a seat and my cook will bring you the food.” “Thanks” said the tramp, “But you should know one thing – that’s a BMW you have out back, not a Porsche!”
     
    #1341
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2020
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1342
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2020
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?"
    "They've gone to the hanging."
    "Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
    "Brown Paper Pete,"
    "What kind of a name is that?"
    "Well, he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
    "What are they hanging him for?"
    "Rustling."

    I'll get me coat.......<sorry> :grin:
     
    #1343
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2020
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1344
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 27, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1345
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1346
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2020
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Whoever can tell me how to switch off "auto correct" will have my external Gertrude !!
     
    #1347
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2020
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1348
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 28, 2020
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  9. Ron

    Ron Well-Known Member
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    Yep, as far as I can
     
    #1349
    Ron, Dec 29, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1350
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 29, 2020
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1351
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 29, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1352
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 29, 2020
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to an African jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
    After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Skinner, he's my right-hand man, and he’s really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
    Skinners was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one-eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed, and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
    "Skinners, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
    "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment, and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of....."
    The colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Skinners, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f*ck off..."
     
    #1353
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1354
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2020
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  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Failed my interview for the job as a weather presenter.

    I stormed out.
     
    #1355
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1356
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    “Education Secretary unveils schools Covid testing plan”......

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    #1357
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1358
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 30, 2020
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  19. mowgli1960

    mowgli1960 Well-Known Member

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    Derby have released Jordon Ibe, with his off the field problems i wouldn't want him back at Wycombe as we wouldn't want our players team spirit affected by one billy big b*llocks!
     
    #1359
    mowgli1960, Dec 31, 2020
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  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1360
    Wooperts_duck, Dec 31, 2020
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