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What day of the week is it thread

Discussion in 'Wycombe' started by Guywanderer, Mar 15, 2020.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1021
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 2, 2020
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I said to the lad in Tesco ‘is it true you carry customers shopping to their car free of charge?’ He said ‘we do’.

    As we got to my car I said ‘I only asked you to do it because I’m lazy’. He said ‘I realise that. Here’s your Twix’.
     
    #1022
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 2, 2020
  3. sensiblegreeny

    sensiblegreeny Well-Known Member
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    It's one of those really strange days today. I know that I'm actually in a dream and it's not real but I read that my football club had signed a player for a fee. Yea I know ridiculous idea ain't it. I mean we would never ever pay a fee. And not only that but the player signed on a 3 year contract. It's so far out there it's just one of those silly dreams and I'm going to have a right chuckle when I wake up.
     
    #1023
    sensiblegreeny, Sep 2, 2020
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1024
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 3, 2020
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    BREAKING:

    An Extinction Rebellion protestor collapsed and had to be revived today after his parents rang to tell him they’d found him a job.
    Our thoughts are with him at this difficult time.

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    #1025
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 3, 2020
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    The train was quite crowded, so a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle...
    The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
    The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
    The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog. 'Please, ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.
    She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
    This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, threw it out of the train window, and sat down.
    The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place
    An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong things. You live on the wrong side of the Ocean. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!!
     
    #1026
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 3, 2020
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today. I only asked for a bomber jacket. Touchy basta*ds!
     
    #1027
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 4, 2020
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  8. Stokenchurch yid

    Stokenchurch yid Well-Known Member

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    :emoticon-0136-giggl:emoticon-0137-clapp
     
    #1028
    Stokenchurch yid, Sep 4, 2020
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1029
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 4, 2020
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1030
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 4, 2020
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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1031
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 5, 2020
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Mrs. Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
    The Father said, ‘Top of’ the mornin’ To you! Aren't you Mrs. Donovan And didn’t I marry you and your Husband two years ago?’
    She replied, ‘Aye, that you did, Father.’
    The Father asked, ‘And be there Any wee little ones yet?’
    She replied, ‘No, not yet, Father.’
    The Father said, ‘Well now, I’m going to Rome next week And I’ll light a fertility candle for you And your husband.’
    She replied, ‘Oh, thank you, Father…’ They then parted ways..
    Some years later they met again.
    The Father asked, ‘Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are you these days?’
    She replied, ‘Oh, very well, Father!’
    The Father asked, ‘And tell me , Have you any wee ones yet?’
    She replied, ‘Oh yes, Father!
    Two sets of twins and six singles, Ten in all!’
    The Father said, ‘That’s wonderful!
    And how is your loving husband doing?’
    She replied, ‘he’s gone to Rome to blow out your fookin’ candle!
     
    #1032
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 5, 2020
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  13. Guywanderer

    Guywanderer Well-Known Member

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    <applause><applause><applause>
     
    #1033
    Guywanderer, Sep 6, 2020
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  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1034
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 6, 2020
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  15. Stokenchurch yid

    Stokenchurch yid Well-Known Member

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    <laugh>
     
    #1035
    Stokenchurch yid, Sep 7, 2020
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  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1036
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 7, 2020
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  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1037
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 7, 2020
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  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #1038
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 7, 2020
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  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My wife says I'm tight, so to prove her wrong I’m taking her out for tea and biscuits today...

    It should be quite exciting as she's never given blood before.
     
    #1039
    Wooperts_duck, Sep 7, 2020
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  20. Stokenchurch yid

    Stokenchurch yid Well-Known Member

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    :emoticon-0136-giggl:emoticon-0137-clapp
     
    #1040
    Stokenchurch yid, Sep 8, 2020
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