Just bought a bottle of Fred Flintstone aftershave. It is very powerful and you don't need much. A little dab'll do....
You know you’re old when entering your year of birth online. You have to spin that thing like you’re on Wheel of Fortune......
A French police officer stops a Limerick man's car and asks if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Limerick man admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter was married just that morning, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception, and many single malt scotches there -after. Quite upset, the police officer proceeds to breath test the Limerick man and verifies that he is indeed completely hammered. He asks the Limerick man if he knows why, under French law, he is going to to be arrested. The Limerick man answers "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you realize that this is an Irish car and my wife is in the driver's seat on the other side?
A confident man strolls into a bar and takes a seat next to a gorgeous woman. After a quick glance at her, he casually checks his watch. Curious, the woman asks, “Waiting on someone?” “No,” he replies smoothly. “I just got this high-tech watch, and I’m testing it out.” Intrigued, she asks, “Oh? What’s so special about it?” He grins. “It uses alpha waves to send me telepathic messages.” “Oh really? And what’s it telling you right now?” she teases. He smirks. “It says you’re not wearing any panties…” The woman bursts out laughing. “Well, your fancy watch must be broken, because I am wearing panties!” The man shakes his head and sighs. “Damn thing must be an hour fast.”
When I get bored I call Best Western Hotels and when they say “Best Western..” I say..”True Grit, with John Wayne” and put the phone down....
Two months ago I entered a competition to design a new style of boiler suit. I had an email today stating that I was the overall winner...
Bought a CD of ice cream van music. Now I drive around with the stereo on full blast windows open and watching the disappointment on all the little kids faces.
A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 & 6. I told him primary school.....
A train broke down on the London underground this morning. The driver called the station to let them know: "Euston, we have a problem"
