Doctor: "Your wife's in hospital." Me: "How is she?" Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical." Me: "Ah, you get used to that..."
I'll never forget when the teacher at school was teaching us about the English language and that we sometimes have a silent 'g' such as gnat, sign and bolognese. Our mate Angus had a terrible time for the rest of the year......
My mates been admitted to hospital with extreme premature ejaculation. I asked the nurses how he is and it's still touch and go.
This morning, I coughed up a pawn, a Bishop and a Rook. I must have a chess infection! It was a rough knight.
Two Blonde's were walking through a forrest when they came across a set of tracks. Oh look, Badger tracks say's the first no no, they are Fox tracks said the second. They were still arguing when the train hit them.....
Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
A peanut stuck in the ear can be removed by melted chocolate. Tip a little in the ear and the peanut comes out a treat.....
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. “First offender?” the judge asks. “No, first the Gibson then the Fender.” the woman says.
My wife said to me, "I know you've been cheating on me with that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch." I said, "How can you say such a thing?"
My wife has had a bad week. 1st she was diagnosed with diabetes and now hay fever. I've tried my best to cheer her up with flowers and chocolate.
Ugly nurse: "that guy in bed 1 has Ludo tattooed on his dick" Pretty nurse: "no that's Llandudno dear".
