Doctor: "Your wife's in hospital." Me: "How is she?" Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical." Me: "Ah, you get used to that..."
I'll never forget when the teacher at school was teaching us about the English language and that we sometimes have a silent 'g' such as gnat, sign and bolognese. Our mate Angus had a terrible time for the rest of the year......
My mates been admitted to hospital with extreme premature ejaculation. I asked the nurses how he is and it's still touch and go.
This morning, I coughed up a pawn, a Bishop and a Rook. I must have a chess infection! It was a rough knight.
Two Blonde's were walking through a forrest when they came across a set of tracks. Oh look, Badger tracks say's the first no no, they are Fox tracks said the second. They were still arguing when the train hit them.....
Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
A peanut stuck in the ear can be removed by melted chocolate. Tip a little in the ear and the peanut comes out a treat.....
