So the Movember Moustache will finally be shaven off, thank God. I'm so happy. My wife was starting to look like Tom Selleck.......
My wife said.. “What’s your favourite sex position?” I said.. “pretty much any of them, I’m just grateful to be involved!”
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it......
When a recipe tells you to separate 2 eggs, how far is acceptable? I've just put one on a train to Aberdeen....
I met up with my ex-girlfriend, Lindsay Doyle, the other day and we went on a very romantic date. Things were about to get interesting and then I remembered why we broke up: she smelt like a cricket bat please log in to view this image
I was in a Spain themed pub last night. Before they served me they wanted to know my name, DOB, height, weight, job description etc. I said look I just want a drink not the Spanish Inn quisition.
I went into a charity shop and bought a couple of shirts and neckwear that belonged to John Phillips of the Mama's and Papas. All the sleeves are brown and the tie is grey....
Just a reminder that Royal Mail have said that today is the last posting day if you want to guarantee delivery by Easter.
I've decided to form a group choir this Christmas. Anyone wanting to join will be welcome. So far, it’s just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.
When it’s the annual Christmas party, but you’re self employed...... please log in to view this image
It used to be a Christmas tradition for our whole family to go down to the pub, come home after a few hours and deck the halls. To be honest, I'm surprised the Halls carried on living next door for as long as they did....
I finally received my parcel from Holland today and when I opened it up, I was shocked to find a rubber vagina inside. I thought, "That's nice - two lips from Amsterdam." please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
