JK Rowling talking about the 20th Anniversary of Harry Potter. I don't think anyone has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie McGee !
I have just been watching a brilliant documentary on TV, about Tomato Sauce. If you missed it, don't worry, it's available on Ketchup....
NEWSFLASH: Massive comet three times the size of Mt. Everest, racing towards Earth, after violent space explosion. BBC says it was fired by Israel......
My wife just threw a bottle of fabric conditioner at me. I think it was Lenor........it was too close for Comfort.
My mate is in A&E after swallowing his maggots whilst fishing. He is waiting for the doctor's report with baited breath.....
Researchers looked at GRB 230307A, which was caused by a neutron star merger in a spiral galaxy a billion light years away. This is an important next step in our understanding of the role binary neutron star mergers play in terms of populating the periodic table of elements. So energetic that it can throw out material, this process creates new atomic nuclei (the centres of atoms) – in a process known as nucleosynthesis Another vital piece of information, so vital as part of our forum education To unsubscribe click here
The only reason I married my wife was because I thought she was a millionaire. But as it turns out she makes hats.......
A policeman goes home to his wife in the evening after work. Exhausted, he enters the dark bedroom and strips out of his uniform, leaving it on the floor. He looks for the light switch but figures his wife is laying in bed and decides not to disturb her. Just before he's about to get into bed, his wife speaks: Honey, can you run down to the corner shop and buy bread, so I can make breakfast for the kids tomorrow? Fine, but you should have mentioned earlier - says the husband while putting the uniform on again He runs down to the shop, gets the bread and exchanges small talk with the guy at the counter New job? - asks the cashier Nah, why do you ask? Ah, I could have sworn you were a policeman, but that's definitely a firemans uniform.
Jurgen Klopp has promised to take Liverpool back to 'The Glory Days' next season. Just as soon as he can get the Delorean up to 88mph.
Hugh Hefner became a multi millionaire staying home in his pajamas. I'm not having the same result......
So, The Beatles have a new song out, The Rolling Stones are No 1 in the album charts. How far did the clocks go back last week?
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her heavily. “Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?” The girl, crying, replied, “Dad… I became a prostitute.” “Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.” “OK, Dad… as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom house, plus I've put 5 million Euros in a savings account. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club … (takes a breath) … and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.” “What was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad. Girl, crying again, “A prostitute, Daddy!” “Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!”
