A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practising medicine. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the former gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.” The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly which was worth 50% of the total mark.” “You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I’ve never seen done in my entire life”.
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility..... Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No, sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?' A: 'Yes sir, we do!' Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' A: 'Yes, sir, I do.' Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?' A: 'Yes, sir.' Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.' The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing!" The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady said, "Well when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned "Well when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be out done took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well they always search for the black box first?"
Look what I just came across. Good old Rocky https://www.not606.com/threads/make-mine-a-double.357179/
A study has revealed that Wycombe Wanderers’ stadium, Adams Park, has been named as one of the safest to visit in the UK. The research, which was conducted by www.scams.info, has shown that in the last 11 years between 2011 and 2022, there have been 0.09 incidents reported per 100 attendants. The Chairboys are joint third on the list with League One counterparts Bolton Wanderers, and have only been bested in the table by Manchester United with 0.06 in second place, and Brighton & Hove Albion with 0.04 incidents reported.
Portsmouth are through. 1-0 down, now 3-1 up with 10 mins left and Sheff W have beaten Morecambe. Couldn't happen to a nicer ****
