A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic… But I refused............ If I’m going to have sex it’s going to be on my own Accord
So the crocodile trainer unzipped and placed his manhood between the Croc jaws.He then banged the crocs head with a pint glass. The Croc snapped its jaw almost shut, leaving the trainers manhood intact. Audience clapped.The trainer asked if anyone else wanted to try. A little old lady shouted out "I will, but don't hit me so hard with that pint pot"
My youngest has just come downstairs from watching TV in his bedroom . He said " dad , what's love juice? " . After nearly choking on my brew , I though I'd better be honest and said " son , sit down I will tell you, when a women gets sexually excited , her vagina gets wet , and that's love juice. He just stared back at me in total bewilderment. I said " anyway, what are you watching up in your bedroom. He said " Wimbledon " Dad
