A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6." He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf. When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. "I'm in sales." He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised. She said, "I sell tampons". He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically. She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh". He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. ........I'm still one hole behind you."
Just been reading the Rocky's Bar thread. Got to July 2013 so far. Crikey, we had some visitors then, even Posh Minx. Such a shame about Rocky. Do miss him
We seem to have a few visitors now they even have their own thread just needs renaming The Geordie v Mackam thread
Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened. The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up.
So a teacher asked her class: "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said: "All I want out of life is four little animals!" The teacher asked: "Really and what four little animals would that be sugar?" The little girl said: "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."
The Pope is having some work done in the vatican. As he is passing one of the carpenters hits his thumb with a hammer "Fecking Hell!" he cries. The Pope is horrified and tells the carpenter "My son, this is the house of God, such profanities are not appropriate here. If you have hurt yourself in some way you should offer your prayer to our lord Jesus and he will give you relief from your suffering" Next day as the Pope is passing the same carpenter chops off his fingers with a saw. "Oh my God! Sweet Jesus please help me now!" says the carpenter. With that the fingers levitate themselves and re-attach themselves to the poor carpenter's hand, all the blood disappears and the carpenter wiggles his fingers, "Fecking Hell" says the Pope.
On thier wedding night Paddy sat down with his new wife Mary and said ""we will have a lovely happy life if you never look in the bottom drawer in the chest of drawers in the bedroom"" Mary agreed. So after 50 years of Happy married life Mary decided to have a look in the drawer. She found 3 golf balls and £200. She confronted Paddy about the find. Paddy said ""every time I was unfaithful in our marriage I put a golf ball in the drawer"" Mary was shocked but thought 3 balls, 3 times in 50 years is not so bad.. She asked Paddy ""what about the £200?"" Ah said Paddy "" every time I collected 10 balls I sold them for a £5.
Irish Fishing It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub. An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious visiting gentleman asked what he was doing. “Fishing”, replied the old man. Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen. So, he decided he would invite the old man to have a drink in the pub. Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked “And, how many have you caught today?” “You're the eighth.”
