I've never laid a finger on any of my kids but I've seen the Mrs smack my middle ones arse. Was a bit of a shock but then he'd just ran across the road without even looking and could have been killed, her reaction was out of fear and his is now that he won't do it again. I have no issue with her doing that, although I personally wouldn't do it myself.
I did at the start, when my eldest was a littlun, and only on the back of the leg as I said earlier. I quickly realised the emotional affect it was having on me (and her even if was temporary) and just couldn't do it anymore. So stopped after that and the other two never got it. I don't judge any parent for a smack on the leg or arm, it's how they see best for their child, BUT it's not about the smack, it's about the intent. If it's in anger, with rage, then I don't see that as controlled, more a case of letting out your own frustration and potentially damaging and harmful for the child. Just on this point, I find parents who scream, swear at and generally verbally abuse their child equally bad, even worse. Not fit to be parents. And I see them a lot more than those who smack tbh.
I've never had to smack my kid...I'm one of them dad's...if I give 'the look' then you know your next step might be your last on this planet. It's worked wonders tbh
My daughter is 5, so it's fairly straight forward to remove privileges. Maybe that will change when she's older and can just go and leave the house etc. But I'd still think there would be room to remove privileges like birthday presents, trips out etc.
Yeh that works for me too lol, I love it. My middle one is at that age where she has "a voice" and on a couple of occasions has answered me back. I have talked her with reason and we always come to an agreement. But deep down I'm thinking "go on my girl, go on, don't take **** from no one"
Good post My dad never hit me, but my mum did and she had definitely lost the plot when she did. It was borne out of her own anger and losing control of the situation. That's my concern with smacking, I think it's a fine line between doing it in control as a measured punishment and doing out of the parent's own anger. And I'm not convinced some parents would recognise the difference. Interesting that you noted the emotional effect it had on you after you'd smacked your kids and decided not to do it again. And totally agree about parents who verbally abuse their children. It makes me feel really sad for kids when I hear a parent screaming and belittling them in the street, telling them they are stupid, pain in the arse etc. Completely undermining for the kid's self esteem and confidence.
Problem is parents say that but then the Birthday comes and they give in. Ex used to do that...one of the reasons I told her I don't like her anymore...spineless and she made me look weak too.
My missus and me make sure we are really consistent over this, we even have to check in and compare notes to make sure we're on the same page You're right though, it's crucial that one parent doesn't undermine the other by giving in. I get my little un a little present each saturday, as a reward for listening to her teachers, doing her reading, tidying up her toys, and listening to what we ask her to do etc. She played up one week and I told her she wouldn't be getting a present. She was inconsolable when I came home without a present for her, and it ****ing killed me on the inside seeing her like that. Worked though
I always remind my son...im your dad...you take **** from me...no one else My car is the office...he knows this. We have our life chats in it and once the journey is finished...we forget about it in the hope that lessons have been learned. One thing I used to hate as a kid was getting bollocked and then being reminded randomly for the rest of the day how much of a screw up I was. If my kid had low self esteem then I would not forgive myself for contributing to that.
Yeh it broke me up to see her like that The long lasting effect on a child's self-esteem, self-confidence and the likelihood of them rebelling and going rogue is immense and so understated n society. Given the choice between a parent who smacks their child on the back of the leg in a controlled, measured way, or a parent shouting and hurling abuse at a child, belittling them continually - I'd choose the smacking parent all day long.
Nowt wrong with a smack on the arse/thigh when a child is naughty. As an infant coming home from school I remember once running away from my mams grasp of my hand, towards a road, it was a windy day and the wind carried me and caused me to stop alot closer to the busy road than my mam would have liked, could have easily blown me onto it. She was panic stricken. Now I got an extremely painful smack or two on the arse, in front of other mothers and my fellow school friends. If this law had passed in England 35 years ago my Mam could have faced prosecution, despite her state of mind being temporarily in shock. And If I hadnt getting a smack what could have stopped me doing something similar again, but next time not being so lucky. Sometimes a child needs a good sharp shock to keep them on the straight and narrow and theres nothing better than a smack on the arse as far as I was concerned, particularly when faced with the embarrassment of having it done in front of others. Now anything like a wrap on the knuckles or the use of a belt is another matter.
I love my dad to bits and growing up, right into adulthood, considered him the best/wisest man I've ever known. But in terms of sanctioning a child, I learned how not to do things from him It worked for me and my siblings when we were kids, but I think that was down to our resilience and the era we lived in. Like I said earlier, I remember being lined up, my dad with slipper in hand, that look on his face like Liverpool had just won the league, asking who broke his yukka plant in the back yard I'm not sure how much that distanced us from him, despite how much I thought of him - not sure, it might not have had any effect. I just think, I want to do better than that.
I guess we all try and do parts of our own parenting better than what we felt our own parents didn't get right.
If we were really naughty as kids my old man would start to undo his belt and only stop when we fell back into line. We all started pushing the envelope a bit and one day he took the whole thing off and his trousers fell down. He had to find other ways of putting the fear of God into us after that...
