Re-wrote it for you... "I'll suck you off for a fiver, I'd sell my granny to extreme snuff porn for a pint ... I'll do whatever it takes and will **** you over and over until there is nothing left. Now, sign up, give me your cash, your home and your soul and, please...**** off you poor ****"
We could use somebody like you in the office, not just for your writing skills, but also you sucking skills