Off Topic The Virgin Mary

I woke up next to a clinically obese bird once when i had my apartment. I have no idea how she ended up back at mine and what the feck I was thinking of.
I have a vague memory of her following me home like one of the Bisto kids while I was carrying a Pizza.

Anyway after the initial self disgust had worn off abit I thought feck it (literally), and attempted to rattle her. It was practically mission impossibe with her rolls of fat. Her fanny was about a meter up in the air because of her fat arse so laying on top of her was a not an option either. I gave in after about 3 minutes.

 

I wish I had never read that .

 

She was that fat one id climbed myself of her (it), she couldnt even sit herself up in bed.

 

Off Topic , was it you that said you were going to watch Enemy at the gate ? If so what did you think of it ? I was going to suggest it , I thought it was very good . Ever seen Sicario ?t

 

That sounds like a film title for my sexual conquest.

Yes mate I watched it. I thought it was a quality film.

 

No not seen Sicario?

 

Here you go .

At least give it a try .

 

Ill try that tonight. Thanks mate .

 

Let me know what you think ( Please ) .

 

Disgusting mate, when you need a forklift you know you should probably just cut your losses and have a ****.

 

Yep. Its fair to say i didnt feel like a w@nk for a good while after that incident.
It happened about 18 years ago and i still have nightmares now about it. I have no idea what happened the night before but if i couldnt shag her when i was sober(ish), surely i never managed when i was smashed .

 

It's a subject I could discuss all day mate, the amount of stories I've got but most of them are better described in person.

 

I love having a good laugh about my end of night any holes a goal drunken disasters.

Im not ashamed mate such is life. As long as youve had more fit ones than mingers of course.

 

The fit ones are normally not worth talking about to be honest, there's never really a story to tell.

I remember going on a few dates with a tidy blonde when I was in the forces, but she was doing my head in always waking me up off nights so I told her I was off to Iraq. A few weeks later I went with my mate to pick up his new car and she was working on the reception at VW

 

Did you watch it ?

 

I only had chance to watch half, but so far so good.

 

Good. Seems to me one of those films many have not heard of, but when they see it usually really like it. Let me know what you think when you have watched all,of it OK please?

 

It wasnt one of the best films ive watched but still It was very good.

 

At least you gave it a try. You have one of the scariest avatars I have ever seen