Little Johnny is getting vocabulary in health class and the teacher says Who can use the word urinate in a sentence Johnny puts his hand up Ok go ahead Johnny Well teacher urinate but if you’re tits were bigger you’d be a nine
If you're wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Let's have a look at the evidence: - No Christmas - No television -No nude women - No football - No pork chops No hot dogs - No burgers - No beer - No bacon - Rags for clothes - Towels for hats - Constant wailing from some idiot in a tower More than one wife More than one mother in law - You can't shave - Your wife can't shave - You can't wash off the smell of donkey You cook over burning camel ****- Your wife is picked by someone else for you - and your wife smells worse than your donkey Then they tell you that "when you die, it all gets better"?? Well no Sh*t Sherlock!.... It's not like it could get much worse.
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night." The third night was Bill's turn. Bill was a tanned, older (a lot older) cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night." With age comes wisdom.
A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table: He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say that men with big feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said. "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him two $100 bills. Blushing, he said. "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."
I was in Currys the other day, and I saw a TV made totally from pasta. I said to the manager "What's that?" He replied "It's a tagliatelle"........
