1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

Page 294 of 345
  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5861
    kiwiqpr, Apr 13, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  2. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2014
    Messages:
    45,616
    Likes Received:
    28,005
    20210603_193200.jpg
     
    #5862
    Zanjinho, Jun 3, 2021
    likesforeveryone, moreinjuredthanowen and Diego like this.
  3. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2014
    Messages:
    45,616
    Likes Received:
    28,005
    20210603_230521.jpg
     
    #5863
    Zanjinho, Jun 3, 2021
    likesforeveryone, redcgull and Diego like this.
  4. Zorba

    Zorba Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2017
    Messages:
    2,697
    Likes Received:
    1,840
    #5864
    Zorba, Jun 13, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  5. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2012
    Messages:
    16,356
    Likes Received:
    11,589
    A man was in a long queue at his local supermarket. As he got to the register he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register:
    She asked. "What size condoms?"
    The customer replied that he didn’t know.
    She asked him to drop his trousers, she reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom. "One box of large condoms, Till 5."
    The next man in line thought this was interesting and like most of us was up for a cheap thrill.
    When he got up to the register, he told the cashier that he too had forgotten to get condoms and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
    She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know.
    She asked him to drop his trousers, gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom microphone and said. "One box of medium sized condoms, Till 5."
    A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a woman, so he thought this was his chance.
    When he got to the checkout he told the girl he needed some condoms.
    She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know.
    She asked him to drop his trousers, she reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the Intercom and said…....
    "Mop and bucket, till 5."
     
    #5865
    Garlic Klopp, Jun 23, 2021
    Prince Knut, THE FOOL and Zanjinho like this.
  6. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2014
    Messages:
    45,616
    Likes Received:
    28,005
    20210628_195541.jpg
     
    #5866
    Zanjinho, Jun 28, 2021
    THE FOOL likes this.
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    With 3.8 billion women in the world you'd think it would be clean by now
     
    #5867
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone, organic red and Zanjinho like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5868
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    Last night, the missus asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl.

    I said: "To be honest, I didn't even know he played cricket!"
     
    #5869
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone, organic red and Zanjinho like this.
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    I asked the Librarian: "Do you have Great Expectations?"

    She said: "I did but ended up working in a library".
     
    #5870
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    The M6 and the M1 were in a bar bragging who was the hardest motorway, a little pink lane walks in and they go deadly silent.
    Barman says whats up with you two youve gone all quiet , they said we dont want to upset him hes a cyclepath.
     
    #5871
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5872
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5873
    kiwiqpr, Aug 10, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  14. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2012
    Messages:
    16,356
    Likes Received:
    11,589
    I recently heard about a teen novel in which Schrödinger's cat and Pavlov's dog team up for a cross country adventure.
    So I headed down to the library to get a copy for my daughter; the librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
     
    #5874
    Garlic Klopp, Aug 10, 2021
    Bumps, Zorba and Prince Knut like this.
  15. Prince Knut

    Prince Knut GC Thread Terminator

    Joined:
    May 23, 2011
    Messages:
    25,525
    Likes Received:
    12,875

    Shamefully, that took me well over 8 seconds to work out. <doh>
     
    #5875
    Prince Knut, Aug 10, 2021
    luvgonzo and Garlic Klopp like this.
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5876
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
    likesforeveryone, THE FOOL and Diego like this.
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5877
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
    likesforeveryone, THE FOOL, Diego and 1 other person like this.
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5878
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5879
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    110,535
    Likes Received:
    215,301
    please log in to view this image
     
    #5880
    kiwiqpr, Aug 11, 2021
    likesforeveryone likes this.
Page 294 of 345

Share This Page