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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #4081
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Sep 27, 2019
  2. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #4082
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Sep 27, 2019
  3. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #4083
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Sep 27, 2019
  4. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    20190928_095610.jpg
     
    #4084
    Zanjinho, Sep 28, 2019
    kiwiqpr and Solid_Air 2 like this.
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4085
    kiwiqpr, Sep 30, 2019
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4086
    kiwiqpr, Sep 30, 2019
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4087
    kiwiqpr, Sep 30, 2019
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    FOUND A STARVING, DIRTY, SMELLY, SKINNY, AND MATTED KITTY.....
    Hubby and I felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.' The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come to get her.
    My hubby (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
    My hubby and my Vet don't see eye to eye.
    The vet calls my hubby 'El-Cheap-O', and my hubby calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another. It's a contest of who can get the better of the other.
    The next day my hubby had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
    The Dr's waiting room and office was full of people waiting. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my hubby arrive.
    He looked straight at my hubby and in a loud voice said,
    'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose! Oh, and, by the way, she's pregnant! God only knows who the father is!'
    THEN HE CLOSED THE DOOR.
     
    #4088
    kiwiqpr, Sep 30, 2019
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4089
    kiwiqpr, Sep 30, 2019
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4090
    kiwiqpr, Sep 30, 2019

  11. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    My local pub is literally 6 minutes walk from my house. Yet my house is 56 minutes walk back from my local pub... the difference is staggering!
     
    #4091
    Zanjinho, Oct 1, 2019
    Bumps, THE FOOL and kiwiqpr like this.
  12. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #4092
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 1, 2019
    Bumps and THE FOOL like this.
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    The police came round last night and told me my dogs were chasing people on bikes,

    I said "I don't think so officer, my dogs don't even have a bike!"
     
    #4093
    kiwiqpr, Oct 1, 2019
    THE FOOL likes this.
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I found my first grey pubic hair today.

    Normally things like this don't bother me but it was in my Big Mac!
     
    #4094
    kiwiqpr, Oct 2, 2019
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4095
    kiwiqpr, Oct 2, 2019
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4096
    kiwiqpr, Oct 3, 2019
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4097
    kiwiqpr, Oct 6, 2019
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    teletubbies welcome their new recruit
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    #4098
    kiwiqpr, Oct 7, 2019
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4099
    kiwiqpr, Oct 7, 2019
  20. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #4100
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 8, 2019
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