Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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My girlfriend said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate...
I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock!
 
Mate of mine was involved in a terrible car pile up on the 21, Five days ago, later when he awoke the doctor recanted what damage he had sustained to his body. hHe said mate you are so lucky to be alive. On further conversation the doctor broke the bad news to min.
 
The Ginger Scouser said:
Mate of mine was involved in a terrible car pile up on the 21, Five days ago, later when he awoke the doctor recanted what damage he had sustained to his body. hHe said mate you are so lucky to be alive. On further conversation the doctor broke the bad news to min.
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I don't get it ... Is the punchline missing or are you stealing Dribs' jokes.


Or did I miss a pun there. Remember a pun isn't properly mature until it is full groan.
 
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Milk: penis injuries said:
I don't get it ... Is the punchline missing or are you stealing Dribs' jokes.


Or did I miss a pun there. Remember a pun isn't properly mature until it is full groan.
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In full....

Garlic Klopp said:
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You've got $20,000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $2,000 an inch.”

The man perks up at this. “So,” the doctor says, “It's for you to decide how many inches you want, but it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.”

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. “So,” says the doctor, “have you spoken with your wife?”

“I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you in making the decision?” asked the doctor.

“She has,” says the man.

“And what is it?” asks the doctor.

“We're getting a new kitchen.”
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