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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

Page 177 of 345
  1. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack. He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on a hospital bed. An young nurse came to clean his body with sponge. The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just getting you clean” The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK” The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?” Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much. So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly the man ejaculated on the nurse’s hand. The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Thanks. but I still need to know ‘Are-my-tests-results-back?
     
    #3521
    Garlic Klopp, Apr 22, 2019
    organic red likes this.
  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3522
    kiwiqpr, Apr 22, 2019
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3523
    kiwiqpr, Apr 22, 2019
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #3524
    kiwiqpr, Apr 23, 2019
    Zanjinho and jenners04 like this.
  5. jenners04

    jenners04 I must not post porn!

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    that post should be on the politics thread <laugh>
     
    #3525
    jenners04, Apr 23, 2019
  6. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    ****ing hell <yikes> The pre-historic ones are the best.
     
    #3526
    Red Hadron Collider, Apr 23, 2019
    Garlic Klopp and Zorba like this.
  7. jenners04

    jenners04 I must not post porn!

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    #3527
    jenners04, Apr 23, 2019
    Zanjinho likes this.
  8. jenners04

    jenners04 I must not post porn!

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    Just phoned the police and said there's 2 girls fighting over me,
    The operator said sorry ," that's not an emergency !
    I said of course it is... the ugly ones winning... <laugh>
     
    #3528
    jenners04, Apr 23, 2019
  9. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3529
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Apr 23, 2019
  10. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3530
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Apr 23, 2019

  11. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    How do you know she doesn't want to steal the wood?
     
    #3531
    Milk not bear jizz, Apr 23, 2019
  12. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #3532
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Apr 23, 2019
  13. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    Is she from Manchester?
     
    #3533
    Zanjinho, Apr 23, 2019
    Milk not bear jizz likes this.
  14. Treble

    Treble Keyser Söze

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    Only on the Liverpool board would that say Manchester <laugh>
     
    #3534
    Treble, Apr 23, 2019
    Milk not bear jizz likes this.
  15. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    Well, it's the easiest option :bandit:
     
    #3535
    Zanjinho, Apr 23, 2019
    Treble likes this.
  16. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3536
    Garlic Klopp, Apr 24, 2019
    SpursDisciple and Zanjinho like this.
  17. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Breaking News
    UN publishes 1st quarter Demography Report 2019
    There are 7.8Billion people on planet. (earth).
    The report shows
    Women = 5.6Billion
    Men = 2.2Billion
    So, they advised women to be careful in showing attitudes to any man because out of the 2.2 Billion men:
    • One billion are married already.
    • 130,000 are in the prison.
    • 70,000 are mentally ill.
    That means that we have just 1 billion men available for marriage and out of the
    1billion:
    • 50% are jobless
    • 3% are gay
    • 5% are Catholic Priests
    • 10% are your relatives
    • 35% are above 66years
    So, ladies both the married and singles, you have to rethink before treating any man like trash.
    For details visit UN demography report
    http://googleweblight.com/i?u=http:...lation/&grqid=zOvihD00&s=1&hl=en-KE&geid=1054
     
    #3537
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Apr 24, 2019
  18. Milk not bear jizz

    Milk not bear jizz Grasser-In-Chief

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    That's a lot of relatives.
     
    #3538
    Milk not bear jizz, Apr 24, 2019
  19. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    Australia's Daily Telegraph prints rival's pages by mistake.
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    #3539
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Apr 25, 2019
  20. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #3540
    Garlic Klopp, Apr 25, 2019
    luvgonzo, kiwiqpr, organic red and 2 others like this.
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