A lorry driver goes on a date with a girl, afterwards they go back to her parents place, and just beginning to have sex on the couch when he feels the cold steel of a gun barrel on his neck.. Before he could turn around her father said "if ur a real lorry driver u'll be able to back out of there with a full load !
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no. Fact is, he got out three times to take a pee.
He nervously inserted a finger: it felt warm and wet. "I'm gonna need more than that," she said. Taking a breath, he then put in 3 fingers. "Go on, get your whole hand in," she demanded. He wanted to please her, so he did what she said: he was really sweating now. "It's no good, you'll have to put both hands in". He closed his eyes & thrust forward with his other hand & she let out a scream. "There you go, it's not that hard doing the washing up..!
Went to the doctors the other day,my new doctor is a young female, drop dead gorgeous.I was embarrassed but she said don't worry i'm a professional,i've seen it all before,just tell me what's wrong and i'll check it for you personally.......I said i think my sperm tastes funny.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I’m at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?” MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.” WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.” MAN: “How much?” WOMAN: “$90,000.” ; MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.” WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing… I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $980,000 for it.” MAN: “Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it’s what you really want.” WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!” MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.” The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks, “Anyone know who’s phone this is.....
I went to see the Red Arrows last weekend.There was near miss after near miss, screams of "oooooohhh" and "aaaaaaahhhhh"But eventually my wife managed to park the car and we saw the show.
I asked my wife if I was the only once she'd been with. She said yes, all tbe others had been nine or tens.
