So YOU are Albert's dad! Finally, after all these years of the poor lad searching. The power of the internet.
We do have similar standards I have to say... the clues are all there....... I'm just waiting for my Mackem uncle Tony to reveal himself and the whole family is here (Tony doesn't post much on the dark side these days).
Me and Mrs got caught stealing from Tesco's on Saturday. We use the self-scanner to do a weeks shop and have done for months, but on the odd occasion we would pick up two or three of each item whilst only scanning one. The guy had to come over to check out a few select items, but scanned a couple of duplicate items and we were nabbed, he had to empty out entire trolley and scan everything and inform us of all the items we failed to scan! Incredibly embarrassing especially with our four year old daughter in the trolley ensuring all attention was turned our way!
A mate of mine had a skinful on Burns Night, way over and above. He went down on his lass and barfed all over the room. The parents were on the scene, the whole shabang. He's not with her anymore surprisingly.
I have another friend, old fella now in his 50's. When he was younger he got absolutely trashed and he had exactly the same problem of pissing in wardrobes, drawers, and the old favourite, the dirty wash basket (don't keep it in the bathroom next to the toilet for ****s sake). He told us a story when he was in his teens that he ha got in one night and was standing at the side of his mam and dads bed, chopper out about to hose down his mum. Fortunately his dad stopped him. I'm not sure how you get past that. Well things didn't improve and when he hosed down his newborn in the cot, he was kicked out and split from his wife for 3 months. I know they say wet the babys head but come on.
Well apart from riding my mates sister one night when he went to sleep after a party. In my defence she was very fit, came down in a negligee and beckoned me upstairs. I had to really. I have denied this to this day. There were rumours but I assured him nothing happened. The same friend licked out a lass after I had booshed her earlier in the night. Poor bastard. I did have a sheath on luckily for him. I did eventually tell him about this many years later. I also once set a fire when younger in the local woods. It got completely out of control and I ran like ****. I've never seen so many fire engines.
I knew a lad at tech college back in the 70's who did similar, he said he was pissed and on top when he chucked up, when he woke up the next morning she had gone but left a turd on his chest as a parting gift, he was a bit mad he always used to try to knock a coppers helmet off after the match every time he went, posh name though Charles Reed-Henry.
My missus takes great pleasure in telling everyone (including the rest of my family) about the time I puked on her while we were doing the dirty after a night out.
just wind her up and say it was the rotten fish smell that turned your stomach. that;ll shut her up. Or maybe a divorce.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I once forgot to put the toilet seat back down after taking a pee. I am truly sorry for this selfish act and hope you can find a way to forgive me. Then, maybe, over time, Mrs Obi will be able to forgive me too .
