This I copied from The Guardian comments section. No **** Sherlock
Sidfishes
4 hours ago
107
Sherlock Holmes and the case of the missing defence.
Sherlock Holmes was stood at the window of 221b Baker Street fiddling with his fiddle stick and contemplating goings on in the busy street below when Mrs Hudson knocked on the door and announced ‘Dr Watson to see you sir’. Watson pushed through the door, breathless, face flushed and clutching a copy of The London Times…
‘Ah Watson, I see you’ve read the Aston Villa v Everton Match report’
Watson sat down on a chaise lounge, his mouth open in astonishment
‘Ye Gads Holmes – how in the devil’s name do you know that?’
Holmes chuckled- ‘Quite simple Watson, your shoulders are hunched, you have the look of a man on the edge of despair, your left hand quivers with the unmistakable pattern of alcoholic excess and your lip has clearly been bitten through with helpless angst over a football club sinking quicker than five pints of Murphy’s at a Huyton wedding reception’
‘Holmes you are a marvel, I’d just finished browsing the report in the handsome cab… you astonish me’
‘Not really Watson – it’s all elementary stuff… now the disappearance of the Everton defence is another matter altogether’
‘Indeed Holmes’
‘Consider the facts Watson, an experienced full-back, two central defenders who have played together on numerous occasions, a young tyro with pace and energy to burn, a manager who is known for tightening things up at the back and a goalkeeper who represents his country usually with startling competency if not excellence… it all points to one thing Watson, a complete dunderhead could see it’
‘Great Scott Holmes… you don’t mean…?
‘I’m afraid I do Watson, the pure evil that has been sent amongst us to confound defences since the sainted Sir Alf Ramsey… I deduce a work of fiendish cunning mined in the depths of the very bowels of the sulphurous fumes of underworld itself’
‘Professor Moriarty…’
‘No you Clod! Worse than that – much worse..’
‘You don’t mean…?’
‘I’m afraid I do Watson – zonal marking’
‘Good God Holmes – this is worse than I thought’
‘Indeed Watson… In the right hands, with a defence who know what they are doing Zonal marking is a fantastic tool, a prescriptive plan that tells any competent defender where they should be and what they should be doing and it works Watson, by god it works… but this is Everton and they have Michael Keane as the fulcrum of their defence and to him zonal marking is a puzzle comparable to working out the mysteries of the great sphinx, in the wrong hands zonal marking is a curse of the ages and will bring hell and damnation on any side stupid enough to persist with it… no Watson, the mystery to Everton’s disappearing defence is no mystery as we have been here before in 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022 and with five other managers…’
‘But why cant the manager see it Holmes?’
Why indeed Watson?... why indeed.. it is the great folly of mankind to repeat the same mistakes over and over again
Sherlock Holmes then turned to the window and played a hauntingly sad lament on his violin and a teary eyed Watson turned to the Times to read the obituaries to cheer himself up…
Report
That's not me replying BTW. But it was a must for this thread.
