Off Topic The 'Like' Brothel

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I went in to my chemists and asked for some Viagra,

"Do you have a prescription " asked the pharmacist,

"No" I said " but I have a photograph of the wife "

 

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Hi

 

Kiwi

 

Hope all is good

 

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all good here acs
apart from the bloody rain
hope all is good there

 

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A blonde dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates,where she is greeted by St. Peter.
"Welcome!" he says. "Because we are currently operating at 99% capacity, we can only let a limited number of souls into heaven. Therefore, you must answer my questions correctly to gain entrance."
"Okay," says the blonde."Here's your question: name two days of the week that begin with the letter T."
"That's easy. Today and tomorrow!"
"Well, that's not the answer I was thinking of, but I'll give you another question.
How many seconds are there in a year?"
"That's easy. Twelve!"
"Twelve?""January second, February second, March second -- "
"Okay, okay. I can see you misunderstood this question as well.
Well, Okay. I'll give you one more chance. What's God's name?"
"That's easy. Howard!"
"Howard?"
"You know -- 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...

 

A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table:
He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.
The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say that men with big feet are well endowed.
The cowboy grinned and said. "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.
The next morning she handed him two $100 bills. Blushing, he said. "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

 

A Genie granted me one wish, so I said "I just want to be happy."

Now I'm living in a cottage with 6 Dwarves & working in a mine.....

 

I was in Currys the other day, and I saw a TV made totally from pasta.

I said to the manager "What's that?"

He replied "It's a tagliatelle".........

 

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