Off Topic The 'Like' Brothel

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I didn't think that my uncle liked me but apparently he has left me a large building in his will.

Does anyone know where Sod Hall is ?

 

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favour?”
“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”

 

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So I was working on a building site and the delivery driver said, 'Why won't you sign for these elevators?'

I said 'I'm not allowed to accept lifts off strangers'.

 

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I was in Oxford Street, London the other day when a tourist stopped me and asked the best way to Selfridges?

I told him to put them on eBay!

 

A fella loses a ear in a accident ...
The surgeon says to him:
"I'm sorry but we don't have any spare human skin to make a ear for you but we can do one made from pig skin."
The fella says: "That will be fine I am happy to try it."
He goes back a few months later and the surgeon asks him:
"How is the new ear?"
The fella says: "it's not bad apart from a bit of crackling."